I want to start out by saying I would have never thought I would post something like this on a site like this. To me it would be embarrassing if anyone I know knew I posted this. I will try to keep it quick as I want to write more about my past.
To start off I am 22 years old. I graduated college this May and currently looking for a job in my career field. Today I was hit with a nasty flashback of my childhood, early adulthood, and present day. Growing up, my father wasn't one for expressing his emotions. Without getting into detail he should be diagnosed with split personality. One minute he is happy, and with a flick of your finger he is off the wall insane. Today I remembered the time when I was about 10, and how he used to be so hard on me. Getting in my face, screaming, grabbing me by my shirt collar. Then he would go for my mom. He never really liked when I got anything lower than an A in school. So when report cards came and I had a B I knew that night wouldn't be pretty. I distinctively remember him making me stand in the corner for hours on end screaming behind me in my ear. How ignorant I was, how much of a failure I was, etc. I played little league baseball at that time as well. If I made an error on the field, I knew that night wouldn't be pretty. I always felt like I was a complete failure in his eyes. I never felt like I had a connection with him. He would come home everyday after work and drink his Coors Light, watch television and zone out.
This is only a fraction of what I remembered today, I wish to write more for you all to voice your opinions. Its easy for someone to say just move on. I've tried believe me. And trust me ... if I continue to write. It gets much worse.
Hope everyone is having a good evening!
To start off I am 22 years old. I graduated college this May and currently looking for a job in my career field. Today I was hit with a nasty flashback of my childhood, early adulthood, and present day. Growing up, my father wasn't one for expressing his emotions. Without getting into detail he should be diagnosed with split personality. One minute he is happy, and with a flick of your finger he is off the wall insane. Today I remembered the time when I was about 10, and how he used to be so hard on me. Getting in my face, screaming, grabbing me by my shirt collar. Then he would go for my mom. He never really liked when I got anything lower than an A in school. So when report cards came and I had a B I knew that night wouldn't be pretty. I distinctively remember him making me stand in the corner for hours on end screaming behind me in my ear. How ignorant I was, how much of a failure I was, etc. I played little league baseball at that time as well. If I made an error on the field, I knew that night wouldn't be pretty. I always felt like I was a complete failure in his eyes. I never felt like I had a connection with him. He would come home everyday after work and drink his Coors Light, watch television and zone out.
This is only a fraction of what I remembered today, I wish to write more for you all to voice your opinions. Its easy for someone to say just move on. I've tried believe me. And trust me ... if I continue to write. It gets much worse.
Hope everyone is having a good evening!
