Hello, New Here.

[primal]

Hello. I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder a decade or so ago. Whatever, right? You have heard it all before . I was held in a Mexican prison, in Nogales Mexico. I was caged, starved, beaten, and had human waste thrown on me. I know what it is to be dieing of thirst, I know what the combination of dysentary and pneumonia feels like. I live on the edge of rage all the time now. I sometimes feel that rational thought is beyond me. I hate myself for how I make my wife feel, how I cannot even have a decent conversation with her. I hate the way my mind makes all the world my enemy. I hate how I see the world as threats or lesser threats. I feel as though I am a wild animal, without the capacity to understand my own species. I do not mean things the way I say them, sometimes, and I fear I have done my wife wrong with my dis association and my outbursts. I once believed myself a good man, now I am not sure at all.

 

[Sandra]

Welcome to the forum. There a lot of good people in here that will listen anytime you need to vent.

 

[Zipperhead]

Have a look around. You will see that you are not alone, and that others feel as you do. It's a small relief knowing we are not alone, but still a relief.

 

[Lucycat]

Hi and welcome Primal,
We may have heard it all before, but everybody's story is special.
Take care - and know that we care about you
Regards
Lucy x

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum :)

 

[Burke]

I just joined the forum a few days ago and you are the first post I am commenting on. I am a a little nervous about this, but I'm going to give it a shot. I can relate to what you are saying about your spouse. I feel as though I have separated myself emotionally from my spouse. I hate that I can't be a good wife to him. I also struggle with rage. I sometimes wonder what I have to offer him. I just keep trying to hold on to the hope that it will somehow, someday, get better.

I admire that you can tell your story. I find it very difficult to talk about my own, other than to say that as a child, my father murdered my mother. I'm just not quite there yet.

I wish I could tell you what to do to make it better, but I am trying to figure that out myself. All I can tell you is that I can relate to your feelings. It made me feel a little less crazy when I read posts from other people who were having feelings similar to mine.

 

[sea]

I relate to your story, Primal. And I want you to know that you are not alone here.