Hello

[asdf123]

I deployed to Afghanistan in 2008/2009 and things have been rough. Lately I have been having a tough time.

Unfortunately, the military system here is not really doing a whole lot to help me. I have been fighting for months to get treatment for diagnosed PTSD and substance abuse but nothing comes of it. I'm not trying to sound like a sob story or seek sympathy, I just kind of want to vent and this site that I stumbled upon is my only outlet at 0100 on a Tuesday.

I just don't feel right anymore.

I don't have a job, or a high school diploma. I can't go in public and I am constantly preparing for a fight because I think people are after me.
I have severe anxiety and routinely experience attacks while driving and my road rage is out of control.
I sometimes have flashbacks.
I can't sleep and stay up most hours of the night. I have been trying to get my diploma through correspondence but I just don't have any motivation anymore.
The only way I can cope is smoking pot. Which I have been for over 12 months, all day every day. It zombies me out, and I can't feel a damn thing.

My girlfriend is leaving me. She says she just doesn't feel the same anymore.
She didn't know me before my tour but says she can see that it has affected me. She doesn't like what I did overseas and she doesn't understand why and how it is affecting me.
It's breaking my heart. I love her so much.

How did I go from once having this supposed important, noble job in the military to this?

I don't know what I was trying to accomplish here. I guess I thought adding some of my thoughts to the others would help me feel better.

All I want is to feel better and have a purpose. I identified I was having problems but they just dont care. Civilian care is unfortunately not a possibility at the moment.

 

[Squaddiedave]

Adding your thoughts here is good buddy, sure as shit helps me try and put rambling mind into order, well kinda lol.
At the risk of offending buddy, I can't see how the pot can be helping, but I'm not you or in your place. Stay strong, have a read through some of the forums here. There's a wealth of advice and knowledge on here, with a lot of good people behind it.
Your not alone buddy

 

[Jimmy1]

Mate, to start with, where are you from, and who did you serve with???
With a name like asdf123 you could be anyone, and we get all types of people on here from university students studying PTSD to psycho's.

If you provide a bit more info, you will get some help.

 

[Ted Moen]

That is a pretty good summary of what PTSD feels like. And potential care, military or civilian, doesn't feel appropriate at first for any of us. Someone should just make things right. So, we live out our symptoms until we are ready (if ever) to accept help and participate in therapy.

When you're ready to get started give us a few more details. There's probably someone around here who has been where you are.

Ted

 

[Lee C]

Welcome and what you feel like is NORMAL on this server mate. Some have been at this since the 60's so where you have a question or an concern 99.9 % of the time we can help.(But no solution, sorry)

 

[asdf123]

Mate, to start with, where are you from, and who did you serve with???
With a name like asdf123 you could be anyone, and we get all types of people on here from university students studying PTSD to psycho's.

If you provide a bit more info, you will get some help.

I am Canadian. Deployed as part of the battle group in Kandahar.

Unfortunately because I am a reservist, hundreds of miles away from any regular force base there is extremely limited options. Even if I was close by, it wouldn't help much.
Our mental health system here is terrible. A quick google search and you can read about the horror stories coming out of Ottawa.

Believe me when I say I have identified to the military that I need help. I'm past the point of deciding that part.
I have received a few sessions here and there as far as therapy goes but it is not enough and I can't get more. I keep getting told to "Wait a few weeks and we will get back to you in regards to a program." But that has been going on way too long.

Basically, I was transferred out of my unit to another sort of holding unit for injured soldiers. Sure I get paid, but I can't actually do anything because of medical limitations the military has put in my file. The physical unit is hours away, so I keep slipping through the cracks.

In regards to my name, I just kind of feel like I want to remain anonymous for now.

 

[Zipperhead]

The JPSU isn't going to do much if you're not there to nudge them. Have you tried getting in touch with the OSSIS Guys? What is the closest base to you? And have you filed with VAC? VAC can get you enrolled in the rehab program so that you can go through the civi system and they will pay for it. The Army Medical system didn't do nothing for me either. Get the OSSIS guys batting for you. They'll take you more seriously then.

 

[Jimmy1]

Thanks mate for that info. Hardly anyone uses their own name, the anonymity part is ok, but your user name was a bit matter of factly.

As you can see, once you put a bit more info down help will come. Zip is just one of the Canadians we have on here.

Cheers mate

Jimmy

 

[Alex1991]

Hiya pal

I understand where your coming from with the pot, iv messed around with it recently and found all it does is provide a short holiday from myself. Its not a solution (we cant be high all the time lol)

I also know it makes you lethargic, when the best thing for PTSD that iv learned is being pro active and getting shit sorted.

See your obstruction and attack it


Alex

 

[Kati]

Hello... welcome to the community - where we all share our own little piece of hell. Like you, I am new here.

 

[tho9900]

hey! join in and share.. lots of people from different countries, different branches... the good part is that makes for a well rounded view sometimes...

 

[asdf123]

Thanks everybody. I really appreciate it.

I was in touch with OSISS but it didn't seem to get me anywhere. The "system" is hell bent on doing things it's way I guess. I have had relative success with VAC, but they can't do anything for me in regards to treatment unless I have a release date.

I am just so frustrated with the situation. They drilled into our heads that if we thought something was up that we should say something and that's exactly what I did.