I'd like some advice. I've been seeing former Marine- he is mid thirties and I am early forties. Within the past year, we both ended long term relationships with others. We have strong feelings, connection, and attraction. We are also both scared of our feelings due to past hurts. He trusts me and confides in me about his stress and personal life. He has financial difficulties and can't find a decent job, but he is working and going to college.
The past month things have been different. We have not seen each other as much, talked as much and it caused me to in all likelihood to smother him a bit as I became insecure. I told him we could not continue this way with the hurt feelings and petty arguments about the status of our relationship and he agreed. I'd recently given him an expensive birthday gift and in anger I said I was taking it back and I was done. We then argued and talked for a day.
We agreed to hash it out the next evening. He said he wanted to give the gift back after my saying that and he also said we were not going to continue to be in a relationship because he couldn't handle it. He said he wanted me and this relationship, but he needed to address his issues if he was going to be good for anybody. He told me he loved me more times that night, over and over, than in the whole relationship (4 months). He was truly devastated and very emotional.
I think his difficulty controlling himself emotionally around me and his physical attraction to me frighten him. He didn't actually want to give the gift back, and we did discuss my tendency to make assumptions and some miscommunications on both of our parts about various things. I told him that I would give him whatever time and space he needed that it was fine. He said he couldn't make any promises to me. I do believe him that ending this is difficult for him, that he is afraid, and that he is angry. He told me twice that I needed to learn a lesson about hurting peoples' feelings, which is true.
Now, he suffers from PTSD and is currently dealing with that, which I missed, and he is also upset about because he felt like I should've known he was suffering, since it happened once before and I really did well with it. The next day (yesterday) I texted him based on his idea that we continue talking to each other, I told him a joke, apologized again when he hinted at the conflict because he was not listening to or accepting my apologies the night before. He rereads and analyzes my texts and thinks about our communication a lot. He responded with a short text acknowledging that he did hear what I was saying and calling me a special pet name.
We talked very generically for about an hour and then he told me he had to get ready for work and would text me if he got the chance while working- something I've asked for before- clarification and not just abrupt disappearances. We did not speak at all today, and I am fine leaving him alone. What is your take on this and is no-contact appropriate for dealing with a PTSD sufferer?
We were also physically intimate before I left after 5 hours of talking, initiated by me. I told him it was not a ploy to get him to change his mind, but we'd both feel good. He did say that he wanted to remember it since it was the last time. I do no doubt his feelings nor that it was extremely difficult for him to say the things he said. I also know that he was hurt and angry. Now what should I expect and do? I have a life, children, career, etc., I just want him in my life.
The past month things have been different. We have not seen each other as much, talked as much and it caused me to in all likelihood to smother him a bit as I became insecure. I told him we could not continue this way with the hurt feelings and petty arguments about the status of our relationship and he agreed. I'd recently given him an expensive birthday gift and in anger I said I was taking it back and I was done. We then argued and talked for a day.
We agreed to hash it out the next evening. He said he wanted to give the gift back after my saying that and he also said we were not going to continue to be in a relationship because he couldn't handle it. He said he wanted me and this relationship, but he needed to address his issues if he was going to be good for anybody. He told me he loved me more times that night, over and over, than in the whole relationship (4 months). He was truly devastated and very emotional.
I think his difficulty controlling himself emotionally around me and his physical attraction to me frighten him. He didn't actually want to give the gift back, and we did discuss my tendency to make assumptions and some miscommunications on both of our parts about various things. I told him that I would give him whatever time and space he needed that it was fine. He said he couldn't make any promises to me. I do believe him that ending this is difficult for him, that he is afraid, and that he is angry. He told me twice that I needed to learn a lesson about hurting peoples' feelings, which is true.
Now, he suffers from PTSD and is currently dealing with that, which I missed, and he is also upset about because he felt like I should've known he was suffering, since it happened once before and I really did well with it. The next day (yesterday) I texted him based on his idea that we continue talking to each other, I told him a joke, apologized again when he hinted at the conflict because he was not listening to or accepting my apologies the night before. He rereads and analyzes my texts and thinks about our communication a lot. He responded with a short text acknowledging that he did hear what I was saying and calling me a special pet name.
We talked very generically for about an hour and then he told me he had to get ready for work and would text me if he got the chance while working- something I've asked for before- clarification and not just abrupt disappearances. We did not speak at all today, and I am fine leaving him alone. What is your take on this and is no-contact appropriate for dealing with a PTSD sufferer?
We were also physically intimate before I left after 5 hours of talking, initiated by me. I told him it was not a ploy to get him to change his mind, but we'd both feel good. He did say that he wanted to remember it since it was the last time. I do no doubt his feelings nor that it was extremely difficult for him to say the things he said. I also know that he was hurt and angry. Now what should I expect and do? I have a life, children, career, etc., I just want him in my life.
