Help For Another Vet

[Oluf]

Hello All,

I am a long time lurker on this site. I have been struggling with my own PTSD for almost 10 years but that is not why I am posting today. Today is a call for help for another Vet. My wife is friends with the wife of another vet who is struggling terribly. He has nailed blankets over his doors and windows to keep others from looking at him, he is physically abusive, he makes VA appointments and then cancels them days later because there is nothing wrong with him. His family has tried to get him to start treatment but he calls them all crazy. He has destroyed his wife's belongings, accuses her of cheating, and leaves the house for days at a time with no way to contact him. They also have small children. I am extremely concerned for all of them. I don't want to see the wife or children get hurt and I especially don't want to see another veteran suicide. I'm not trying to out anyone here so I will be leaving names out of this, however there has to be something that can be done for this family. Some way of reaching this man before there are tragic consequences. I am reaching out to every veterans resource I can think of. If anyone has any suggestions please post them. I feel we all need to look out for fellow veterans. Thanks in advance for any suggestions.

 

[Cemudud]

Is your friend self-medicating with drugs or alcohol, i assume he has ptsd, what about TBI?

 

[Alov]

Look into crisis hotlines in your area. Give thsee numbers to the wife. They have to be the local or county crisis lines because the national suicide hotline and veteran crisis line won't do jack shit.

A local crisis hotline can dispatch EMT's and police as needed. The national suicide hotline can't (or won't).

 

[Inolal]

Do you think he would check this site out? He being a fellow veteran, could you talk him into getting help?

 

[Oluf]

He refuses to go to the VA to be checked for anything, so TBI is definitely a possibility. He is a Marine who was deployed to Iraq. He got out in 2004 and was part of the initial invasion. He used to drink quite heavily, but now has slowed down. He is really in very bad shape as far as recognizing he has a problem and needs help. He is just in flat out denial mode. To the point that he attacks people who suggest it. I have not yet tried to talk to him about it because I did not feel prepared to deal with it. Hopefully I get some possible resources together so when I do speak with him I have some choices and answers that he may be willing to try.

 

[Inolal]

I was the same way at one point, the denial, embarrassed, It took my girlfriend dying in a car wreck to wake me up, but I didn't have any veteran Brothers to talk too. I think coming from a Brother it could make a difference.

 

[Gatac]

Unfortunately, apart from protecting him from self harm, there is nothing you can really do. He has to hit rock bottom and go searching for help. If you force him anywhere he will just shut down and won't talk to anyone.

I too have a mate who left his wife for no reason, has shut off from his family and even me. He thinks everyone is conspiring.

One day when he has nothing and is scraping the bottom of the bowl, he will come looking.

Jimmy

 

[Moje]

Just check up on him and act as if nothing is wrong. And just check for self harm