Help For College Study

[Tanishq]

I am having hard time to go college. When I think that I will have to go college I will start worrying how I will do there, how I will spent day there. I worry about lunch because we have six lectures and one break for one hour. I also worry about presentations, practical and about collecting proper book materials.

I stay motivated for couple of moments, then I would revert back to anxious mindset. I would be seeing negative images in my mind.

First off this stress. I have problem of frequent urination. Doctor took all tests, but nothing found like infection. They did another test and found something related urine flow. So doctor told me perhaps passage has been small and I keep feeling to urinate. I still frequently urinate when I think of going to college. It runs all the time in mind. I feel powerless to overcome this. Whole day I chant positive affirmations and keep praying. I have made sure one thing that it has become mental battle.

Second thing, it reminds me of my childhood days. I used to be afraid to go school and some teachers used to be very strict and sometimes they used to give me some heavy scolding with punishment. Lots of homework and fear of not completing homework. I used to worry what if I am not able to complete homework and got beaten severely? Sometimes teachers did sent complaint notes to my parents. Teachers used to beat me. I also got beaten by parents when things did not go as they expected. They never understood me and never give me chance to explain my problems. I needed some comfort. It is still the same. Parents expected lot of things from me, i always failed to meet them all. It used to be very discouraging for me. They never said a good word of my good efforts to meet their expectations. I always heard "you did not follow me properly otherwise you would be sitting at #1 rank in class". I used to be first in boys always and sixth in class. I used to set this goal because my parents would buy me something i dreamed and it would make me feel very good.

Third worry is about my capacity to stay hunger less. I get hungry early sometimes and I find hard to concentrate. I was never like this, I used to be able to concentrate at bachelors college for six-seven hours. First day at college I could enjoy first three lectures. Then I was back to this negativity, could not find any interest and was worried about my frequent urination.

I still want some mental comfort, but I can't decide what kind of comfort or support will make me feel peace. With this all I feel hard to feel concentrate and give up too early. In the end, I decide today I will work on this issue and tomorrow I will be regular at attending college.

Please suggest me positive vibrational thoughts, affirmations, good things and suggestions from you to share with me.

Thank you.
Jaret.

 

[DharmaGirl]

When I am feeling nervous and out of sorts, I feel my feet on the ground, then identify colors where I am. Blue, light blue, red etc...It helps me to ground and center myself.

 

[Tanishq]

Thank you for sharing idea. :)

I have been wondering for grounding ideas. We have park places, but morning I have college and in Evening my siblings use vehicle so I can't go there.

I knew there must be ways to ground ourselves from wherever we are!

 

[Hashi]

I think doing quick grounding exercises frequently throughout the day is a good idea. I like Monster's suggestion with the colours. There are also lots more ideas in this thread
[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/grounding-101.12459/[/DLMURL]

If a park is soothing for you, can you carry pictures of it? Or pictures of trees, water, whatever it is you like about it?

Sending you positive thoughts.

 

[Tanishq]

Thank you Hashi for taking me to this thread. Yes, we have park place. This sunday I will make time and will go there. It's nice idea to carry pics or use them as my laptop's wallpaper.

Sending you gratitude. :)

 

[Philippa]

It seems like you are feeling really anxious about school and this is making your urinate a lot.

I've heard that many teachers in the school system in India beat kids. It's outrageous from a western perspective, but I get that it is heavily part of the culture there, unfortunately. Maybe you are having performance anxiety, so you are afraid of messing up or not doing things the right way, and getting beated, and this fear is what is causing you to urinate so much...perhaps as your bodies way of trying to get you to not go to classes?

This is just me talking out loud here. I think when we are ill and bedridden it is our bodies way of making sure we get rest...and so when I read about how you are urinating so much adn it is affecting your ability to go to classes, I have to wonder whether that is your body telling you "no more school please"?

Am I way off the ball here?

 

[Tanishq]

This is just me talking out loud here. I think when we are ill and bedridden it is our bodies way of making sure we get rest...and so when I read about how you are urinating so much adn it is affecting your ability to go to classes, I have to wonder whether that is your body telling you "no more school please"?

Am I way off the ball here?

No, you are understanding my situation comfortably.

I want to study more and I love the course. I am hungry to learn more, it is all there. What I don't like is, I am trapped in this healing for urination problem which is more mental and less physical. It's been very tricky. Actually it's more like "no more stress". I have become very sensitive. Even if tiny pressure comes to me it starts tiring me out. I end up feeling now there is no stamina in my body and mentally I am worn out. Then I would worry about everything.

I have deeper wounds of being scolded by everyone in past. Sometimes I was being scolded whom I trusted most and expected them to be kind towards me. It has hurt me so much. Emotional abuse from parents has done lot of damage to my trust. I have tried to get some kind help from outside as I knew my parent's don't understand me. I don't expect anything from anyone now.

 

[Tanishq]

I figured out one more thing,too. I can't expect from myself,too. I am watching there is an opportunity bring A performance and get the job I want and yes, It will have great salary package. Now if I try to go with this way, I feel like I am destroying myself.

Some people have told me that I will need to bring A performance to get desired job otherwise I will be wondering.

Before today I tried to fulfill others' expectation and this is why I am suffering so much to leave that mindset and experiencing difficulties while trying new mindset.

 

[NIKI]

I'm sending you lots of positive energy Jaret.:)

 

[Tanishq]

Thank you Niki :)