Relationship Help, I Am Losing My Gf From Ptsd

[Hopefulbf]

I am frustrated and sad. I met my gf about 6 months ago and we connected very strongly, and it was not long until we had grown close. We have spent a lot of time together over the 6 months, and she has always been open about her PTSD and I have always tried to be understanding. The main issue is she gets self destructive, usually with money, and then I become a scapegoat one way or another. I have always been there for her, weathering storms that are created by PTSD in a way that would not escalate them, just trying to be there for my gf. I know she loves me very much, and I love her more then anything, but now after her last incident, she is blaming me and saying she is not happy. I told her that until she starts to see a therapist again or a doctor, that she will continue to have these issues with me in the picture or not, and she has said she know she needs to go, but never gets around to it. I love this girl so much and it breaks my heart that this girl in love with me is now blaming us and saying it is over. I don't even know what to say to her now, I just want to always be there for her.

Please give me some insight.

Thank you.

 

[Tifanee]

Is she blaming you for her money issues or for rescuing her?

From what I've learned from others, usually the closest people to the sufferer (bf, gf, wife, husband) get the blame game, amongst many other lovely PTSD behavior. There are multiple reasons for it and only you know what that reason is for you two. She could be feeling guilty that you continue to rescue her unconditionally, or that you tolerate the PTSD moments, or that you continue to show love when she maybe doesn't feel loveable. I get the blame game because I do love my man unconditionally and have made an effort to get to know him as well as his PTSD triggers, symptoms, how he is managing it, and what helps him. He comes across sometimes as insecure because he doesn't feel like someone should love him the way that I do. Then he feels guilty for his behavior and distances himself from me. It is all apart of their PTSD and is not a reflection of their love for you, just how the brain is processing information due to their individual trama.

Therapy is the right direction for her to get her risk taking with finances under control and help handle some of her other symptoms and behavior better. As I am experiencing now, knowing someone needs to go to therapy and getting them to go are two different struggles.

Good luck and stay forever hopeful!

 

[Pale Warrior]

By all means stay hopeful, but there needs to be a reality check. You found this forum so you know something is wrong, that's the first step in getting a handle on what living with PTSD really means.

You don't say if she is on meds or in therapy? These factors make a HUGE difference to the outlooks for both of you.

Also, if you don't mind sharing, are you living under the same roof? Do you both have your own support networks?

PW

 

[emmacub]

Just a quick note-

I used to sabotage my own relationships without being aware of the reasons.

If she has been through some real tough times she may have problems with fully trusting others. She may, like I used to do, push them away. Say awful things, be cruel, anything to make the other person walk away. If & when that happens, it confirms the negativity all over again. It's a cycle, a damn cruel one to both involved.

I've been having CAT therapy & it's the best thing I've ever done. It's been damn hard but it's shown me what elements if myself have been controlled & even manufactured by my past.

I recommend that she seeks help. I really do. Life can be worth living. It can be bloody great too!

Don't get me wrong- I still have PTSD. I still get affected by it, but I hold the reigns :)

 

[Tinyflame]

Good for you emmacub! :)
I don't, but I'm learning to ride a little bit better.

 

[emmacub]

Time, patience & treating yourself with kindness will help a lot :)

 

[ProudWife99]

"never getting around" to attending therapy is not a good enough excuse. Hell, my husband was just released from the military, a full time student, and was working a part time job and I put my foot down. I did not care what he had to drop to fit it in, but he had to make a choice. Our marriage, or all the other balls he was juggling. At the time it felt so selfish and so wrong, but he has a STRESS disorder. He would have dropped those other balls due to his symptoms regardless of what I did.

He needed help as much as I needed him to get help. I had to be the bad guy and have put the "bad guy" pants on ever since. With those pants came a big 'ol heavy rhino-skinned coat to keep the nastiness from getting through the thick skin. It is a uniform I despise wearing most days, but a necessary one. I make a choice every day to stay with a man I know struggles. That choice puts me in the uniform.

I suggest you take a step back and do what is best for you both, do more than just encourage her to seek help. Demand it. If you don't you're fighting an uphill battle on ice.

Also what everyone else said. Take care of yourself.