@[DLMURL="https://www.myptsd.com/c/members/notsowild.22986/"]Notsowild[/DLMURL]...I'm not familiar with your story. If you'd like, we could continue through PM (Personal Message). I'm not a doctor--but what you're describing sounds like what's sometimes referred to as "thawing". In other words, trauma causes a "freezing" reaction...the same seen in animals, when confronted by danger. From what I've read, it's thought that this is a survival mechanism. For example, antelope will freeze when downed by a cheetah...lion, etc. The reaction often causes the predator to leave without devouring its prey-prey that's already dead is often discarded, for fresher prey....And when the Antelope "Comes to"....or "unfreezes"...it begins to jerk spastically, and shake, and often to dash off at top speed uncontrollably, without direction. It's automatically "venting" the reactions it had "frozen"...ridding itself of their toxic buildup. There is actually a relatively new approach to trauma treatment based on this "reflex", in fact...made maybe most well-known by the author Peter Levine, in his guide to addressing this "frozen energy" with physical exercises, in order to finally rid ourselves of it, completely. According to Levine, Humans block this necessary later expression of these pent up trauma-related emotions and feelings...terror, rage, bewilderment, futility, etc...due to the fact that we are, instead, "intellectual" animals...and feel the need to avoid experiencing them in order to remain socially acceptable, to retain our sense of ourselves as "in control"...and of course, because they're unpleasant. But until they are expressed, experienced, they will continue to surface anyway, as we continue in a doomed battle to repress them. Numbing is one of the primary symptoms of trauma, as you might know...and could be said to relate to that "frozen" period, immediately after the trauma...before those feelings have yet had a chance to "thaw", and come to the surface. For some, that can take years, in fact. So I would say, personally, that it's actually not only not a bad sign that you're beginning to experience them now, relatively soon after your trauma...but it may in fact be a good sign. The reason I say this, is that it's well known that the more severe the trauma is...the more severely it has affected our systems...the longer it takes for the feelings associated with it to come back. For example, it's not that uncommon for Combat veterans who have shown no symptoms of trauma at all, immediately after their return...to literally break down and begin having full blown flashbacks even 30 years later, and become so debilitated that they require hospitilization. The reason...their trauma was SO severe...that the body couldn't even afford to begin to reexperience it, until it had had that long a period of time in order to lessen in intensity, somewhat. And as soon as it has lessened to the point that the body can finally purge it...even after 30 years, it remains so intense as to be much more severe in its symptoms, than the symptoms of those who experienced trauma symptoms immediately after combat. The reason they experienced THEIR symptoms so soon...was because their trauma was much less severe. Their bodies could afford to channel it immediately, therefore...instead of having to wait for it to diminish.
So if you're beginning to experience these trauma-associated feelings/symptoms, only 3 months after the trauma...that is much more hopeful, than if it had been so severe that you remained unable to get in touch with them, for years afterward. Which means, in turn, that the trauma was that much less likely to have had as severe an affect on your neurophysiology and neuroanatomy....meaning that your symptoms are less likely to be debilitating in the long run, and difficult to address.
It's difficult, to say the least, to begin to greet such terrible sensations as "progress". It's definitely counterintuitive. It took a long time for me to come around to that way of thinking, and accept that. When you're in the midst of them, it can be all but impossible to remember that, much less think of them in terms of being "healthy" and even necessary.
But I've found that to be crucial-to change my attitude towards horror of the "thawing feelings" from one of resistance to one of acceptance. A quote I've begun to try to live by is "What we resist, persists". And just as when I tighten my muscle, when getting a shot....it makes it much worse in the long run...much more sore than if I'd just allowed the needle to enter a be removed without reacting to it in attempts to control and resist it. And when I see these "thawing reactions/feelings" as "the enemy"...and set myself up in opposition to them...not only do I prolong the process, but I'm retraumatized by the experience of failure/"being bested by them" etc....when they do inevitably surface, and affect me. I hope you'll consider doing some reading about trauma and trauma recovery. Not having any idea what's happening to you at all makes anything that much harder to deal with .
Also, Serotonin levels are decreased through the affect of trauma on the Hippocampus...which generates most of our Serotonin. You're probably familiar with Serotonin as the main focus of the majority of antidepressant medications (although there are other types of antidepressants as well). In other words, depressive symptoms can be expected to result from PTSD, as well. There are a few SSRI antidepressants specifically indicated for use in PTSD, and hopefully the stigma connected with their use will decrease as more become aware that treating a brain affected by trauma should be looked at no differently from treating any other injury.
