Help Me Please!

[Meg_porter94]

Okay so today I wasn't having a great day but it wasn't a terrible day but now. I can't stop having multipul panic attacks.

Back story I was raped four years ago, ever since then I have been a cutter and suicidal. I have various other disorders. And I have been doing pretty well. Stable.

Well, today while we were on our way home my mom decides to tell me how my ex and my cousin who is like a brother to me. Ran into the guy who raped me, and they decided to tell him that they don't hang out with rapists. Now I know that the guy knows exactly what they ment. I am terrified for my life, He works on the rail roads, that are literally right across the street from where I live. I also know that he now carries a weapon. I have only a few experiences.

I cannot believe my ex and my cousin. The people who were there for me. Now I am terrified again. I don't know what to do. I am always home alone because I don't have a job and I can't find one. I am so scared and so angry and they can't even understand.

WHAT THE HELL DO I DO?! I am so scared. I can't do this again. I can't get hurt again. Please someone. Anyone help me. Please.

 

[katiekat]

I think you need a big dog, a security camera, alarms, anything that will help put your mind at ease...

 

[Storm-ridden]

Is there any way you can get a restraining order on your rapist, or is it too late for that? A security system (a very visible one- the sight of it can be a good deterrent) is always a great idea. I personally decided that I was going to learn to fight back. I had boyfriends molest me when I was younger, and to help get rid of the "victim" feeling I learned various forms of martial arts and weapons fighting. (In turn, it also helps teach self discipline and centering, which is a huge help with anxiety). Obviously keep your doors and windows locked, check before opening your front door to someone, etc. Also tell your therapist or doctor- they may have other legal ideas you can do as well.

 

[katiekat]

Pepper spray, a gun, a baseball bat under your bed...

 

[Meg_porter94]

I have six big dogs. I'm still just so scared. As soon as I can I am going get a hand gun and my permit and everything, I just can't live in fear. I have had a few family members offer me places to go and live until I get on my feet.

 

[GuiltyGhost]

I hear you... and the pain of living in fear is more than tough, and while this is not a magic wand and does not offer an instant relief I would start with researching, watching, reading Peter A. Levine and his work with trauma... and how to heal it.

IMHO, the more we understand our issues we're better equipped to deal with them...

Good luck!!