Childhood If your parent neglected or abused you, please just say me too

[Rose White]

Thank you @beaneeboo

 

[spinningmytires]

it makes sense that efforts to connect feel futile when you’re raised in that environment. Can relate and to the relentless abuse by an older brother. Had that too.

I think I had given up on making any loving supportive connections with my parents and brother, early in my life. I had no choice but to accept their abusive behavior. And yes, in my case, most definitely, they've formed tightly bonded group packs against me.

 

[Rose White]

@spinningmytires I gave up on that too, in a very unconscious way. But now I’m faced with the fact that having done that precludes me from making loving supportive connections with a partner. I have made a workaround with my children, and I do the best I can with friends. Haven’t figured out how to make that happen with a partner. I suspect it’s not going to be possible but foolishly I will probably keep trying. Feeling naively hopeful today—still have hormones on my side for now.

 

[beaneeboo]

@spinningmytires I gave up on that too, in a very unconscious way. But now I’m faced with the fact that having done that precludes me from making loving supportive connections with a partner. I have made a workaround with my children, and I do the best I can with friends. Haven’t figured out how to make that happen with a partner. I suspect it’s not going to be possible but foolishly I will probably keep trying. Feeling naively hopeful today—still have hormones on my side for now.

It's not foolish @Rose White ... you deserve and have the right to hope for that with a partner... alot depends on the partner of course.. but in terms of yourself, you have the right to want better things in your life, in your relationships and you deserve the right to have that belief somewhere in you that it just may be possible for you despite that feeling... that's your right no matter what your padt, and no one gets to take that from you... especially not the people who hurt you...

 

[spinningmytires]

I gave up on that too, in a very unconscious way. But now I’m faced with the fact that having done that precludes me from making loving supportive connections

I think my giving up behavior over the years -- where I've stopped trying to defend myself -- has only placed me farther outside the family group. The more I gave into their abuse, the more I accepted it, the more freely they had turned on me. While I was trying to establish a loving connection my tolerance was only making my abuse worse.

I've never connected with a partner -- my last attempt was 20 years ago. And though we remained friends on social media because he lived a distance away, he died earlier this year. No children and now cut-off from my remaining abusive family -- I am better off without them.

 

[Rose White]

@spinningmytires from what you’ve said, I agree that you are better off without them. I’m sorry you tried so hard to make it work and only had them treat you that way.

@beaneeboo thank you, very kind of you . That “d word” so hard to grapple with. I can hear A’s voice in my head, “What function does it serve you to not deserve that?”