Help Me Stop Going Down This Rabbit Hole

[sun seeker]

a high percentage of people quickly go to "You need to fire that T!"? Well, I started to notice it not long ago. And, sometimes that's the answer. And, sometimes, the poster wasn't seeing things clearly and the problem wasn't the T at all.

I've noticed this too. My pat answer is usually "talk to them about it." And with a therapist, that is usually (not always) good advice. By definition, therapists know how to work out issues with people. Other people may not. This friend of mine and I, well, we mean well, but I think we are both seeing this through trauma-tinted lenses. I have it in me not to engage in conflict with her, but I don't, at this point at least, have it to help her work through the issues underlying how she's feeling.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

From what I have read, you are not in the wrong here and have very valid reasons for standing your ground now and next time you will have learned through this painful and costly lesson not to allow it to get this far again, I really believe this.

You laid down a boundary and she went off on you. Not a very healthy person to be spending time with in my opinion.

You have done nothing wrong at all in my opinion.

it does seem like your body is screaming for limits and boundaries on this girl. I am worried about the downward spiral you are on and second guessing yourself which is hurtful to you.

I read your letter to her and it was so crystal clear and concise that it pretty much covered everything. I hope that you will soon feel some real peace about setting this limit.

I too have been in situations where I felt so lost and drowning in the bizarre things a person was doing to me and it took a really long time before I realized that she had become toxic to me and was only using me for her gain and she was also playing some mind games with me. Once I cut off all contact with her I felt so much relief and healed fairly quickly.

I am not saying that I think you should cut her off but I am very proud of you for standing up for yourself in spite of the overreaction on her part.

 

[sun seeker]

Thanks for the support @gizmo!

I wonder how many of us with this condition get into confused areas like this... because we need help sometimes, we start thinking we have to give anything anyone wants from us in exchange?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

You are not alone. It is a learn as we go and if you did not get these skills growing up then you develop them in adulthood is my theory.:hug:

 

[sun seeker]

My mother has no sense of boundaries, her own or anyone else's. If I had to put her attitude into words, it would be "I'll do anything for you as long as you let me take over every detail of your life." It was crazy-making. I've just gotten away from that and need some time to get used to understanding what is actually mine, and what I want to do with that.