Supporter Help Me

[grayski]

Hi all, my name is Graham and my wife suffers from anxiety and PTSD.
From a traumatic time in her life.
I am not very good at recognizing the early signs.
I love her so much and want to support and help her.
Please help me ☹

 

[StarChild]

High and welcome to the forums @grayski. It is very difficult to "help" you, when we don't have any specific information from you, of with what exactly you need help. Could you please write more specifically what you need, or what you don't understand and so forth? You don't have to reveal details, only share, what you're comfortable with.

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

Hi all, my name is Graham and my wife suffers from anxiety and PTSD.
From a traumatic time in her life....

Hi I'm so sorry to hear that. You just have to be patient, be a good listener and be there for her. As a sufferer it's the worst feeling in the world but as my husband would say it's terrifying seeing it and trying to do the right thing. This forum is excellent for both supporters and sufferers and its full of different experiences some that you may reconis eid your partners. My thoughts are with you, it's a long horrible journey but it will get easier with the right input and support.

 

[Gadgie]

Welcome to the site Graham, as already mentioned, a bit more information would help, but the main thing is, be there for your wife when she wants to talk, and give her space if she doesn't.

Listening is a good start, try to understand, and be there when it matters, that's all I can suggest, good luck.

 

[Mytime]

Welcome to the forum. We are here to listen and help when we can.

 

[intothelight]

@grayski Welcome to the forum!

There is a section for supporters you may find helpful, but most importantly you will find support there for yourself. Also, you may find this video beneficial...


http://www.resolveofacaregiver.org/self-help/

 

[Mountain Man]

Hi all, my name is Graham and my wife suffers from anxiety and PTSD.
From a traumatic time in her life....

Graham,

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation and your wife's trauma. I know this is the last thing either of you would expect to happen in your life and it's not fair. But first you need to recognize that you are not alone. Each time you are going through this, know there are millions of others doing the very same.

It's not easy loving someone with PTSD; not because they did anything wrong, but because it makes you feel helpless. I'm not sure what her trauma was, so I will try to offer some general advice. I would recommend taking advice from as many sources as you can, so that you can piece it together and figure out what works for you.

It helps to be able to recognize her triggers. What specific things cause her to have episodes of anxiety or other symptoms? If you don't know, you can ask her if she does. Keep a journal for yourself. Each time an episode occurs, log the circumstances surrounding it. Was she arguing with someone? Watching something on TV? Did she hear a name or topic that upset her? What was the weather like? What time of day did it occur? Where were you and she when it occurred; what was the environment? Were you in a crowd, or alone?

Do this for a while and see if a pattern develops. If you can identify triggers, than you can try to help her avoid them. If you can't avoid them (cause we all know that life happens), at least you will be prepared and can recognize what is happening early. If it's a crowd, than leave and take her away from it. Go home, go for a drive, whatever. If it's while arguing, try and find calmer ways to communicate, etc.

See if there are any PTSD support groups in your area. Even if she doesn't want to go to one, it would help you to go. But you both need to see that you are not alone in this fight and you can reach out to others for support. Is she medically treated for the anxiety?

Does she have a hobby? I know that is a weird question, but depending on how she was traumatized, some people with PTSD feel that they have no real purpose in life, that they can't accomplish anything and that they are just wasting away. Some lack focus. Others don't like socializing.

She needs to find a hobby, something she can do that will make her feel accomplished, feel good about herself, and give her purpose. She could be a wife, a mother, a daughter, an aunt, and feel great about that. But inside, she could still feel like her life is meaningless. This is the disease talking to her. Suggest she try out multiple hobbies until she finds the one right for her. And then just tell her to work until she feels like she has perfected it. She can study up on the hobby, make her own personal changes to it. It will help give her focus, some time to herself to relax and to breathe. It can be a type of meditation for her as long as she finds one that is the right fit and doesn't get her too frustrated.

Ask her outright (when she's not having an episode) if there is anything you can do for her to help her through. Ask her if she recognizes the triggers. Does she like nature? Get outside and walk together, take a hike. Or just sit on a bench or swing and breathe in the air. Relaxing in nature is actually therapeutic to a number of people. Consider seeking the advice of a counselor who specializes in PTSD, as a couple (or even by yourself). Ask a professional for coping ideas.

One last suggestion for now. Do you have pets? Does your wife like pets? My family member with PTSD has a therapy dog and it works absolute wonders. Don't have to pay for special training, as it's not an actual service dog. We have had the best luck with this. We are on therapy dog #3 now (others died of old age). We rescued each dog from the local animal shelter. Our first one was an old, blind dog. But she was the best! When you rescue a shelter dog's life, they really do appreciate it. And they will go out of their way to help and love you.

Each of these 3 dogs quickly bonded with this family member, and have learned to recognize when they were about to experience or were experiencing an episode. They are great at calming them down and helping to end the episode. Something to consider. We do have other family pets/ dogs, but the therapy dog stays with this family member all the time when their home and the results have been great. Episodes have been less, or have lasted shorter periods.

Best of luck to you and your wife. Keep reaching out to people and take as much advice as you are willing to. You will find what works for you! Optimism is your best friend. Don't burn yourself out trying to be a hero. You are a hero by just being there. Remember to take some time to yourself every now and then, some meditation time, so you don't burn yourself out and end up with secondary PTSD.

 

[grayski]

Hi mountain man, thank you for your good advice. That was a reply I was hoping to get.
I do feel helpless when she is poorly. I just would like to take my wife's pain away.
I will look at the triggers and discuss those with her.
I will let you know ho it goes.

Thanks again.

 

[Tinyflame]

I saw this & had to find it again, that is an amazing post from @Mountain Man. :notworthy:

 

[Recovery4Me]

@Junebug thanks for tip on the post. (((hugs))) I bookmarked it.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes, wow , eh :wideeyed: @Recovery4Me .

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Welcome to the forums :hug:

THere is a supporter section on the forums where you can find shared experiences of supporters and a lot of great advice

I hope this place helps you :)