Relationship Help Needed And Feeling Alone: Marine Bf Ptsd Getting Worse

[Tigerlily90]

We have been dating for 4 years. His attempt at becoming part of "civilian life" has been difficult to watch. We had our bumpy start as he was returning from Afghanistan. He has also been to Iraq before meeting me. We worked on communication which is still in the process, but he seems to only have feelings when he sees he has hurt me emotionally. It's hard for him to have empathy, as "people don't know how good they have it." His signs of PTSD have been obvious to me, as I'm in nursing. But his lack of doing everyday chores or holding a job has been almost impossible.
We're having financial problems, and he continues to be unemployed on and off since Afghanistan. Depression is extremely evident.

He has been having obvious night terrors, and recently, I woke up to him standing beside the bed yelling at me like I was a marine. I couldn't get him out of it, and just started talking to see if my voice, and he snapped out of it. I fear some nights that he may hurt me.

Today was the first time I've experienced him having an episode. I recently bought vaporizer, and the smell reminded him of Iraq because of the smell of hookah they smoked. Hours later, I was in another room and hear him hyperventilating. I got up to ask him what's wrong, but the blank look on his face has scared me to the max. I was talking to him again and he said my voice registered to him as not normal, so he snapped out of it.

I know I've studied this for nursing school, so I know the clinical signs and symptoms, but I need a deeper connection. Is this normal? His lack of drive to work or continue his education? His night terrors, should I be scared? Any tips for him? Does anyone know if the VA will be able to help in anyway?

 

[somuchpain]

Definitely seek all the help you can get through the VA and any related groups they will refer you to. This is not a small problem, especially if he is a combat marine as you imply. As a non-combat marine from the Vietnam era it took me years to re-comprehend civilian life. I spent years living through everything from having blankets hanging from every possible place in the apartment (as I woke to them soaking wet every hour) to night terrors/nightmares that were definitely a threat to myself and others for several years. Though not a combat marine I did suffer extensive wounds beyond what needs discussion. If you choose to help him beyond helping him get help e.g. VA and such, you will suffer wounds deserving of a Purple Heart. I can't advise you on that. But it sounds like he's been deep in Hell ripping off heads and will have a hard time sitting and chatting about golf scores for some time to come. My heart hurts for him and the countless others that are desperate for help.

 

[ZebraWestie]

Aside from the background story, my husband has behaved in all these ways and I too have feared for myself and our children at times when he disassociates or has episodes of depersonalisation. I would say, get clued up Asap on how to protect yourself and the right way to handle stuff like this in relation to his previous non-civilian life as sufferers can clearly behave in ways that are lacking control possibly leading to consequences that cannot be undone. I wish you both well in gaining help

 

[Torrid75]

The VA and encourage him to apply for va disability. Use an advocate like Disabled American Veterans or VFW. They know what they are doing and maybe also able to help in other ways. Don't push him to get help but tell him what your noticing, show him a checklist for symptoms of PTSD that really helped my bf to realize he needed help, that and the Dr's at our VA basically already knowing what he was feeling and experiencing so that he didn't feel pressure to try and explain it. Offer to make appt and go with him to it as a support.