Help! Nothing Is Working. Tried Emdr, Cbt, Somatic Experiencing...

[Animalliberator]

I am 52 years old, have suffered from depression, anxiety, and PTSD for nearly my entire life. I have been hospitalized several times for suicide attempts and severe depression. In my search for help, I have seen nearly 50 therapists, been on almost every anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medications, and tried a variety of therapies, including EMDR, CBT, group, talk, and more recently, Somatic Experience (SE). Nothing has worked or helped.

Somatic Experiencing was suggested to me because EMDR was not effective and everything else has failed. I've been to three SE sessions and it has been useless. In fact, it seems like utter quackery to me. Has anyone else had SE? I'd welcome others' thoughts about it. SE seems like a scam but I don't want to rush to judgment.

 

[The Albatross]

Considering what all else you've attempted... what's one more thing? It would sort of go into the "what do I have to lose category" I think.

I don't have any experience with it. But you are a year younger than me (or so)... I think at some point it can be very beneficial to list all of the things we have tried to help ourselves. That did a boatload more for my "will to live" than any med or therapy technique did. I could see clearly at almost every turn... I was consistently seeking help, wanting help, needing help, trying to get help.

Welcome, hope you get a significant change Animalliberator

 

[Animalliberator]

During my SE sessions all I could feel was anger. I just kept thinking, "What a waste of time and $150!" SE appears to be nothing more than woo-woo, hippy-dippy nonsense.

 

[The Albatross]

Personally, when faced with stopping breathing... I had no problem attempting what ever was in my area. The session cost, well what value do you put on your own life? I will say though but skepticism and therapy don't necessarily give you the best prognosis for outcomes.

What is your motivation? To be treated or to defy treatment?

 

[The Albatross]

The "HOW" of anything is honesty, openness and willingness. Do you have that before you perhaps seek treatment with Somatic Experiencing?

One thing about being pissed off... it doesn't get you where you want to go. It inhibits you and generates more being pissed off.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

An important part of healing is being open to various types of therapies. Simply put, if your mind is telling you that a certain therapy won't work, chances are it won't work.

Where are you in the therapy process? Have you been able to process your trauma yet?

I've tried many of the same things you have, with limited success. Have you tried neurofeedback? I have a love/hate relationship with it, but it helped me when I needed it the most. I've since outgrown it's usefulness. It helps primarily with symptom management.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Just wanted to say that it is very strong of you that you keep trying to get better. Especially after all you've been through and all the options you've already exhausted. Don't give up on therapy; even though some types of it may seem absolutely ridiculous, they might just give you some of the support you need.

My situation is not at all comparable with yours, so I'm afraid I can't really help you with this. I'm glad there are plenty of nice people here, like The Albatross and Solara, who will probably be able to give you some good advice and insights.

Oh and welcome to the forum :)

 

[Lost Pup]

SE appears to be nothing more than woo-woo, hippy-dippy nonsense

I see where you are coming from but for better or for worse, I have found that all the things that have most helped me are things that, a decade ago, I would've described similarly.

 

[gone]

Sorry to hear about your suffering and frustrations @Animalliberator. Thats sucks. A few thoughts:

1) The therapy is always dependent on the therapist. How good are they at what they do and how much do you trust them? Without both of those at near 100 percent, even the best therapy won't work for you.

2) How long have you been in any given therapy? Nothing is fast-acting for CPTSD, even the best therapy/therapist combination requires a long-term commitment (years, probably), including patience and a pretty fierce determination on your part that it will work.

3) Oh, yeah, it requires big bank too. If you resent paying, you'll undermine your progress.

As for me, I'm currently working with EMDR. My first EMDR T was worse than useless and left me massively suicidal. My current T, whom I chose after interviewing a bunch of contenders, is a perfect fit with me: highly skilled and completely trustworthy for me. I'm in far better shape after three months with her (though still a long way to go) then I would have thought possible before.

 

[Animalliberator]

Thanks, all, for your kind, supportive responses.

Just to clarify, I've kept an open mind about most therapies. I entered EMDR with a bit of skepticism but stuck with it for 15 sessions. During EMDR I experienced full-body convulsions, strange screaming and moaning vocalizations, and horrific images of me being raped as a child (I have no idea if those images capture real events in my life. I have absolutely no recollection of being sexually abused at any time). Unfortunately, EMDR provided no relief for my depression, anxiety, or PTSD.

Before finding a Somatic Experiencing therapist I read Dr. Peter Levine's book, "Waking the Tiger." I found the book to be little more than mumbo jumbo, psycho-babble. Absolutely drivel. Despite how turned off I was by Dr. Levine's book (I resented paying a dime for it and would not recommend the book to anyone), I decided to try SE. My regular talk therapist, who I trust very much, recommended I try SE. As I noted in my original post, I've been to three SE sessions to date. I really tried to keep an open mind but the exercises the therapist has me do - like pushing my hands against my knees or focusing on my feet touching the floor - seem downright silly. I feel a lot of anger when the therapist suggest I do these things because 1) it feels like I'm wasting my time and money; 2) I feel utterly hopeless because I just don't understand how touching my knees has anything to do with healing me.

I feel like I'm one of those rare cases that is beyond help. As I noted, I've been to nearly 50 therapists, many of whom told me I was "untreatable." I won't go on any medications because I've tried so many of them and only suffered the side-effects without any benefits.

 

[Animalliberator]

What is your motivation? To be treated or to defy treatment?

I certainly don't want to defy treatment. I am motivated to feel a sense of peace. But I have to have some faith in therapy. I have to see some tangible evidence that it works.

If I break my arm, I go to the doctor. I understand why he/she is placing a cast on my arm. It makes sense to me. I trust the cast will help heal the bone.

The exercises my SE therapist has me do make NO sense to me. I don't understand the purpose. I have no faith in the practice because there seems to be no logic to it. When I've asked my SE therapist to explain it - and after reading pages and pages about SE - I am still at a complete loss as to what me touching my feet to the floor has to do with anything other than ripping me off through what appears to be scam therapy.

I want to believe SE is helpful but after reading Dr. Levine's book and having gone to three SE sessions the theory of somatic experiencing seems to be quackery.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I don't think you're beyond help or untreatable. It sounds like you have a difficult case of PTSD, but that just means that you have to work all the harder.

I've been to a TON of therapists. Looking back, I've only had a few who were actually helpful, which is quite sad-----well, that it has been so hard for me to find good help. I'm not in therapy right now and my last decent therapist/therapy was over a year ago. I'm currently searching again though.

To be honest, my best treatment was in a trauma hospital and intensive trauma treatment. I know a lot of people look down on anything more than once a week therapy because they think their case isn't that serious, but honestly, I would have to live 3 lifetimes of once a week therapy in order to get the amount of treatment I received in these programs.

Have you considered going to a trauma treatment program? Maybe you need something more than what you can get in once a week therapy?

 

[Animalliberator]

Have you considered going to a trauma treatment program? Maybe you need something more than what you can get in once a week therapy?

I have been admitted to numerous psychiatric wards and treated there for several weeks each time. But I have not entered into a trauma treatment program. I was not aware there was such a thing.

Many therapists have recommended either ECT and/or long-term care in a psychiatric facility. I can tell that my SE therapist is already getting frustrated. She's already saying things like, "SE doesn't work for everyone" and "Perhaps another SE therapist would work better for you." I've had several therapists terminate my therapy because they said I wasn't improving or because they said it was unlikely I would respond to therapy. Others have told me they have never had such a difficult case, that I'm one of the few clients they've had who did not respond to their treatment. I was told EMDR would prove wonders for me but, alas, it failed, too.

I have read posts on this forum, as well as on others, from individuals who report that they've improved with therapy. Sadly, I am one of the few who has never responded favorably to any kind of therapy. I only get worse.