I've been diagnosed with PTSD for years now but now as a mother I'm starting to fear some of the symptoms(or what I think are symptoms) of the disorder.
I have no response to things that normal people would have heart attacks over!
I woke up one morning with my room on fire. I calmly walked into a room, told my brother, walked back into my room and went back to bed. When my other brother woke me up to leave the room I could have cared less. Another incident was my grill had caught on fire, I was sitting in front of the door, glanced outside, calmly told my family our grill was on fire and kept eating. I had been sitting in front of the door and while everyone raced to put it out I just sat there unaffected by it. These are just a few examples.
When I'm triggered by things that relate to my PTSD it is totally different, ie) being alone with an older male. All of a sudden my heart is racing, I am filled with fear and I run as far away as I can and start crying. Sometimes I do feel trapped where I can't move or speak really.
I don't know what this means, or what to do about it. I'm baffled, but I'm afraid that if something happens and I don't properly respond I'll be putting my son in harm.
History: My PTSD is related to witnessing the prolonged sexual abuse of my sister. I didn't respond then, I pretended to sleep even when my sister would pinch me to wake me up, I would tell myself over and over it'd be okay and I'd tell my mom in the morning and by morning I'd forget it ever happened. Obviously I feel really guilty and have blamed myself for years and years.
Since then I have had flashbacks, nightmares associated with being helpless, depression, insomnia(I wake up every .5-1 hour), and so on. At the times of my examples I was either unmedicated or on effexor 30 mg, buspar 30mg, trazadone 100mg and lamictal 100mg.
Thanks
I have no response to things that normal people would have heart attacks over!
I woke up one morning with my room on fire. I calmly walked into a room, told my brother, walked back into my room and went back to bed. When my other brother woke me up to leave the room I could have cared less. Another incident was my grill had caught on fire, I was sitting in front of the door, glanced outside, calmly told my family our grill was on fire and kept eating. I had been sitting in front of the door and while everyone raced to put it out I just sat there unaffected by it. These are just a few examples.
When I'm triggered by things that relate to my PTSD it is totally different, ie) being alone with an older male. All of a sudden my heart is racing, I am filled with fear and I run as far away as I can and start crying. Sometimes I do feel trapped where I can't move or speak really.
I don't know what this means, or what to do about it. I'm baffled, but I'm afraid that if something happens and I don't properly respond I'll be putting my son in harm.
History: My PTSD is related to witnessing the prolonged sexual abuse of my sister. I didn't respond then, I pretended to sleep even when my sister would pinch me to wake me up, I would tell myself over and over it'd be okay and I'd tell my mom in the morning and by morning I'd forget it ever happened. Obviously I feel really guilty and have blamed myself for years and years.
Since then I have had flashbacks, nightmares associated with being helpless, depression, insomnia(I wake up every .5-1 hour), and so on. At the times of my examples I was either unmedicated or on effexor 30 mg, buspar 30mg, trazadone 100mg and lamictal 100mg.
Thanks
