Sufferer Helpful Advice please? Survived suicide attempt, now having trouble managing flashbacks

[Slavmenade]

Hello, my name is V
for privacy I will keep my name to that-

in December I attempted to commit suicide via wire strangulation
I was someone who had been bullied a lot in the past, never could be social or fit into social circles, and never had a place online either
so I already had a lot of bad memories and a negative view on the world
which is why I did it, because I felt that my existance wasn't worth living the kind of life I was living
a few minutes went by, and I was very close to passing out- with the strength I had left I dialed 911

those were probably the longest moments of my life, then the door slammed open and a police officer was on me- he had to use his knife to cut the cord

When I was recovering, everytime a door would open no matter how faint it was- for me it would sound like it was bursting off its hinges- which is why when I was drifting asleep that it would wake me up in a panic

I am safe now, but I still experience PTSD flashbacks, so much so I feel like I'm right back in my room where it all started, and everything else is drowned away, just I dunno how to explain it- I'm really worried about my mind
Just today I was over at a house, and I smelled the sterile smell hospitals have, which was strange for me at the moment but now I know why that was, it was just too much of a connection, I've been having a very difficult time trying to sleep, either I'd get nightmares or I would just get flash backs no matter where I am- be it day or night.

I just want some help

 

[Gs172003]

Hello, my name is V
for privacy I will keep my name to that-

in December I attempted to commit suicide via wire strangulation
I was someone who had been bullied a lot in the past, never could be social or fit into social circles, and never had a place online either
so I already had a lot of bad memories and a negative view on the world
which is why I did it, because I felt that my existance wasn't worth living the kind of life I was living
a few minutes went by, and I was very close to passing out- with the strength I had left I dialed 911

those were probably the longest moments of my life, then the door slammed open and a police officer was on me- he had to use his knife to cut the cord

When I was recovering, everytime a door would open no matter how faint it was- for me it would sound like it was bursting off its hinges- which is why when I was drifting asleep that it would wake me up in a panic

I am safe now, but I still experience PTSD flashbacks, so much so I feel like I'm right back in my room where it all started, and everything else is drowned away, just I dunno how to explain it- I'm really worried about my mind
Just today I was over at a house, and I smelled the sterile smell hospitals have, which was strange for me at the moment but now I know why that was, it was just too much of a connection, I've been having a very difficult time trying to sleep, either I'd get nightmares or I would just get flash backs no matter where I am- be it day or night.

I just want some help

Hi and welcome! Are you seeing a therapist?

 

[Freida]

I still experience PTSD flashbacks, so much so I feel like I'm right back in my room where it all started, and everything else is drowned away, just I dunno how to explain it- I'm really worried about my mind

I think this is pretty much normal in the ptsd world. Flashbacks and intrusive thoughts are a big part of the problem for a lot of us. Are you working with a therapist? If not that might be your first stop -- someone who can teach you the ins and outs of how to cope with them and hopefully lessen their intensity and frequency.

 

[Slavmenade]

I'm working on it but progress has been slow- I dunno if this is something that'll go away or at least be easier to live with proper treatment

 

[Slavmenade]

I would really agree with that- also a place where others can relate is something that is releiving to have to :)
I use medicine of course, I take a pill that blocks out my anxiety at best

 

[grit]

I am really sorry you have experienced such lonely experience. I think these are just your body getting out of the shock of almost dying but not your trauma or your other experiences that preceded your attempt at suicide. I hope you can separate the two in your thoughts. The fact you almost died and the fact you have been abused and bullied and basically made felt such powerful feeling of almost taking your life.
I think in my opinion, you may recover from real shock of almost dying but you will need a lot of help to tackle the preceding experiences that put you in that position in the first place.
you are human and you deserve to have peace and safety like everyone else and you are just as important as everyone on this earth. I truly hope you know that.

 

[Slavmenade]

Thank you so much, and perhaps you may be right about that
I haven't really held onto peace of mind in a long time, and believe me I want to but it feels like a place that I'm just forced to be a lot of the time, maybe I stopped knowing what that really meant

 

[Fahrenheit451]

Hi V
Flashbacks are terribly intrusive. As you know they don’t care what time of day it is or where you are. Mine took a long time to get control of. The first thing you need are the tools to help yourself. That means seeing a therapist and learning how to cope. Forums are ok but you need a professional. You called 911 so you know you have the strength to fight. You just need to learn how.
Good luck my friend

 

[Slavmenade]

Thank you, surviving death just feels weird, like your not the same person anymore- nothing feels right, I notice when I was suffering depression I stopped feeling anything at all, and thats part of why I did it- cuz living without any kind of feeling felt wrong, like I lost my humanity

but after I came out of it, feelings just came back like a wave- I felt everything, fear, happiness, gratitude, sadness, hopefulness
the way I see it is, I was given a gift which surprised me because I thought I'd be punished for what I did

 

[Slavmenade]

like during the incident, I begun to I dunno hallucinate? I saw myself at a beach in my favorite place as a kid, and I felt like I was a kid again but at the same time with the understanding of an adult, when I looked at this world- there was no color in it at all, and there I was just sitting and waiting for it to end, but something- something deep down wouldn't let me give up, it all felt like going through the motions