He's Tired Of Hearing About Mental Illness

[yoshixvx]

I have been in trauma therapy for the past 6 weeks (with 2 left to go) and I am at the end of my rope. More importantly, so is my (long distance) partner.

I entered into the outpatient program after being diagnosed with C-PTSD with conversion disorder, MDD (stabilized), and SA. I was relatively stable in comparison to now, to the point where I was able to go several weeks without being triggered. General fatigue, dissociation, switching, and depersonalization were the heaviest issues I was dealing with. I did lose time, but this didn't seem problematic to the Psychiatrist who evaluated me.

Since then, therapy has opened up a pandora's box of amnestic information/memories, self-harm, ED, suicidal ideation, and all the negative aspects of PTSD. I go to therapy every morning and come home at lunch, exhausted and unable to focus on anything positive in my life. I live alone, have no family or friends, and no community supports. In the beginning, I just shut down and isolated, to my partner's disapproval. He was encouraging about me expressing my thoughts, but the pendulum has swung to the other extreme - he can no longer tolerate the conversations about mental illness, treatment and management that seem to occupy most of our time.

I do not have a therapist and my GP prefers the hands-off approach (I have concerns that he thinks I may be malingering, despite an official diagnosis). I have made many attempts to contact trauma therapists in my city, have been on waiting lists for years, but to not avail. Most, if not all, therapists are not covered by insurance, and I have zero funds to put towards getting the help I need.

I feel like I cannot bear this weight much longer. I cannot bear the weight of the guilt I feel for burdening my partner, how it has drained the happiness from our relationship, how every day feels like I'm living in a hell that was created by other people. I thought life would improve after tackling some of the regulation issues, but it has just made everything much worse and beyond my control. I can learn skills to help myself in therapy, but when I am in the midst of a flashback, I am unable to access that information, let alone the logical side of my brain.

Any thoughts or kind words are much appreciated. TIA

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

TIA

What does this mean? Please keep in mind that members here are from all over the global. Not everyone will understand and things mean different things in other parts of world.

 

[yoshixvx]

TIA = Thanks in advance :)

 

[Justmehere]

Does your treatment team know how much you are struggling?

 

[yoshixvx]

Does your treatment team know how much you are struggling?

Yes, I told them that I was struggling with self-harm and suicidal stuff.. plus I did a computerized assessment at the time. They told me that would speak to the resident Psychiatrist, but that was almost 2 weeks ago. They handed me a Community Resources book and told me to contact various programs and therapists - which I did. :/

 

[Justmehere]

:(. I'm so sorry they did not do more... And I'm sorry you are struggling like this. They really should be helping you find more support. I'd keep telling them. Trauma treatment can sometimes destabilize people. Sometimes people need to pace it out more but sometimes people need support to do that! Argh. If they have a patient advocate, you could try contacting them. I'm concerned about what would happen when your treatment ends. As for your partner, I don't know what could help except to change treatment and slow down or get more help. They could get support of their own too, but sounds like they may not be interested.

 

[yoshixvx]

As for your partner, I don't know what could help except to change treatment and slow down or get more help. They could get support of their own too, but sounds like they may not be interested.

I did suggest some support or therapy for him to better cope, but he lives in the US and does not have insurance for such things. I told him about free (peer) support groups, but as you said.. he doesn't seem too interested.

I will give the co-ordinator a call tomorrow and put another request in. Thanks for your help :)

 

[MissMacD]

Are you seeing a trauma specialist?

 

[yoshixvx]

Are you seeing a trauma specialist?

No, I do not have a trauma therapist :(

 

[MissMacD]

If it's available to you it's worth the referral.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

A guy once told me point blank to shut up about my PTSD issues. Ok, so he said it a bit nicer than that, but I got the point. Yes, it's nice to be able to talk about your problems with someone, but it can be overwhelming to the supporter when it gets to the point where the issues dominate the conversations. This is why it is so important to have another outlet, be a therapist or group or whatever. It is important to not treat our loved ones as surrogate therapists.

Honestly, after that guy told me to shut up about my PTSD, I stopped talking about it to people. I learned to do my PTSD talking here on the forum and with my doctor. I don't talk about it with my friends and family, but I still turn to them for support.

 

[Pakadlangitok]

Sad but true. I learned it is not like on TV, too. :(