Hey There...new Here

[willis williams]

You are a very proud and nice looking soldier and woman. I have a picture just like that put in a pin and don't look at it very often because I to miss the place I felt I fit the most. I wish I could tell you that everything was going to be ok but I have been there with PTSD. You are ahead of the game because you are facing it head on early. It took many years till I started working on it and it made it worse because then I had to deal with all the problems I caused be untreated. You have shown great fortitude and if you can focus that on your recovery and treatment I think you will get control. Its kind of like an alcoholic you are always in recovery when you quit but you are still a alcoholic. These first months or years are the hardest but it gets easier. Opening up is definatly hard but it is nesecary to help cope. If you keep it all in you end up feeling like everyone is judging you and they don't know. Most will never understand but when you lay your cards on the table and some still don't like or understand then you have a free conscience. The thing that bothers me the most is when people find out that I suffer combat PTSD they either shun me or say thank you for your service is there anything I can do to help. For what you have been through both personally and military you are the most level headed person I have met very impressive. You have a gift for facing it head on and you are not intimadated in a mail dominated world. When you get your ducks in a row you should consider being some kind of counciler because most vets would love to have your fortitude as a therapist. The best therapist I ever worked with was a combat nurse in nam. My heart goes out to you cause I know it is hard but you are strong enough to take. Good luck!!! TEX

 

[Jimmy1]

Awesome. I should drag out a few of my recruit photo's. We were all mean and keen.

 

[track108]

thank you for posting femalevet you gave me the courage to post my own intro i want to be alittle more like the person i was when i joined too

 

[abnvet]

Dawn,

IMO everyone who has gone through ptsd situations go through periods of anger. You rebuild one step at a time or one day at a time. It may feel like a roller-coaster as some days will be better than others. Yes, being Airborne made you feel like you were something special (I was there at Bragg/Iraq/82nd ABN and also and know the feeling) but now that you're out, don't let anything make you feel anything less. You are a distinguished veteran. Remember who you are and drive forward. Sometimes I even need someone to tell me these very words. Luckily I have my wife and friends who kick my butt when I'm feeling down. Great to have another Airborne Paratrooper on the board.

HOOAH! , Ed

 

[femaleveteran]

Hey thanks Ed. I appreciate what you said. I will find some sort of identity somewhere eventually. I guess after nearly 17 years of it being wrapped up in the Army and now I do not have that even, I just feel sort of lost sometimes. I feel lost and I feel extremely lonely alot of the time but I do not want to get to know other people either so I don't know how to combat that lonliness issue. Anyway, I appreciate everyone on here. I can actually go for an entire week and not talk to a single soul.. The only time I do talk to people at all is when I go to my PTSD group at the VA. Other than that I can pretty much slide through life without human contact. But this site is getting me back into the game. I feel pretty good about what I have shared here and what I have been told here as well. I guess I just feel more comfortable among my fellow veterans and sometimes I do not know how to relate to other people who have never been in the military. I guess they do not know how to relate to me either so it is not alll their fault. Anyway, I am glad to know everyone on this site so far and I guess that is a start right?

Again thanks a lot for your words...to all of you a great thanks.

 

[Jimmy1]

Dawn,

I still miss the military, it was a way of life and basically all I knew. When you talked about identity it hit a cord with me. I used to hold a position of respect amongst my subordinates and my peers. I was an old timer. Then after 20 yrs I was just another veteran. For a long time I struggled with who I was. To me I was just a dad and you know I was lucky that my boy chose to live with me. It has been hard at times, but I hate to think where I would be now if It was not for him.
You will find yourself girl, and once you find yourself and appreciate yourself again you will attract good people into your life.

Jimmy

 

[track108]

i still struggle with not being in the corps, i like to sing cadence the dirtier the better this used to drive my exwife nuts. one thing i found is the vfw they are great people and all vets just like us i even found a ww2 vet who is kinda like a mentor to me and has helped me to find a little bit of myself outside the corps, i volunteer there alot it helps me keep my mind off the movie in my head, they usually buy your first year membership too, its kinda funny im 24 and most my friends are in their 60s but they will accept you with open arms just like the people on this forum

 

[Boxer300]

I wish you the best. It really is a daily struggle. Two steps forward, three back. I saw a documentary on HBO a few months back called Wartorn. One statement that struck me was when one mother said that her son was put through a paper shredder. I have been struggling to get back to the person I was before the war. Not sure if I am ever going to find him.

 

[femaleveteran]

I am, getting ready to go to the Huntington WV VA medical center for another evaluation for surgery on my leg. Hopefully I wil be getting my last surgery that I need to at least make me not so crippled. Anyway, just wanted to say that I am sorry i have not been in touch but I have been pretty busy with things and going through a bit personally. However, if I can finally get a date for surgery then that will take a lot of pressure off of me physically. Anyway thanks for all the support to everyone who has given it. I really appreciate all the good advice.

Plus i think if I can get my physical problems taken care of then it will go a long way into helping me deal more effectively with my PTSD.

Cheers,
dawn​

 

[Nate1]

I would just like to say welcome and hope to get to know you alittle better. I haven't been around lately, just have had the days where I can't find the words.

Nate

 

[willis williams]

Dawn I hope you get a date. I can understand the lingering thing I deal with it with my shaking condition no answer and no end in sight. It does take a toll on me since I just want an answer. I hope that when they get you all patched up that you do get a lot of releif from the physical stuff. Good luck on your trip. TEX

 

[femaleveteran]

I just know that the daily pain I deal with is a stumbling block to me being able to focus on my recovery from PTSD. The pain I feel ohysically makes my PTSD symptoms so much worse. But these yaaay hoos expect me to wait til I am 60 to get a replacement of my knee since they claim they do not like to do it with younger veterans .. Ideally they expect me to wait until I am at least 5 5 years old before I ge this final surgery which can give me my life (physical life) back. I would rather be in a wheelchair at 70-80 yrs old than to be half crippled the way I am now at 39 years old. But like any government entity to which one is schackeld too, I am at their mercy.. Half the time I think they would rather I stay zoned out on Pain meds than for them to take the chance I might figure out what is really going on and that is that they want to keep me drugged with pain pills til they get me to the point they do not think I am going to know what is going on. Buit I am going to tell them I would rather be in a wheelchair at the age of 70 than to be delibilatingly crippled at the age of 39. I served my country and I do not see doing my last surgery now as a waste. I would rather be a cripple at 70 when the knee replacement fairs than to continue on this life of not walling moer than two hundre meters which excruciating pain.

I gave my physical life for the country. the least of what they could o is to give me somehwqt of a physical life back for how ever short of a time that might be.

Sorry I am babbling. My appiointment is for ten in the morning and I had to take Clonapin just to be able to make it to the appointment to morrow. I just get so stressed out because I hear time and time again that i am young and i should be happy that i can still walk, BARELY, and with a walker and at times a wheelchair. I am too young for this and I feel with medical technology there are enough knee replacements that last far longer than 8 to ten years that I can last with the first knee replacement =s for ten and maybe even twenty years.

I do nt know. I am freaking out because I still have enough cynacism to mkow they will brush me off. what do I do when that happens. I feel like I will tell them exectly what i think and damn the consequences.s