JohnJohn1954
New Here
Hi All;
Where to start? I'm new to this group, but not to others; several others.
What I know. I know I have attempted suicide several times, but obviously didn't succeed. I know I am depressed, severely depressed, and have been most of my life. I know my childhood had had several challenges, but can't remember them all. Actually, there is a large gap in my memory and evidence that something happened to change my personality, for the worse. Don't know what. I have been on and off antidepressants and mood stabilizers since I was 21.
I have been diagnosed with clinical depression, mood disorder and a dissociative disorder; not all at the same time or by the same "experts." Some don't agree with the other's diagnosis. Some won't even let me talk enough to make a good diagnosis. (not that the diagnosis matters to me, only that I get something to ease the stress and depression.) That has not happened in the last year. Long story. I get by.
I do remember being physically and sexually assaulted as an adult. I do know that there are times when I get freaked out just being around people. Especially other men. Then, at other times, no problem at all. Today I am gay. Tomorrow the whole idea of sex (or even physical contact with anyone) is disgusting. Today I enjoy pool as a pass time. Other days my likes are completely different. Today I don't drink or take drugs. No desire. Tomorrow however, I may really need to seek help.
I have a bad memory, at times. At other times it is clear.
I do know that very often I can go out in public and it it is like I am waiting for the worst to happen. I am not comfortable. I am always waiting/expecting the worst. I have my eye on the room to make sure I am safe.
Not sure if this is coming out the way I wanted it to. If is says what I want to say. But, that is my Howdie to you all. I'll try to explain beter later.
J
Where to start? I'm new to this group, but not to others; several others.
What I know. I know I have attempted suicide several times, but obviously didn't succeed. I know I am depressed, severely depressed, and have been most of my life. I know my childhood had had several challenges, but can't remember them all. Actually, there is a large gap in my memory and evidence that something happened to change my personality, for the worse. Don't know what. I have been on and off antidepressants and mood stabilizers since I was 21.
I have been diagnosed with clinical depression, mood disorder and a dissociative disorder; not all at the same time or by the same "experts." Some don't agree with the other's diagnosis. Some won't even let me talk enough to make a good diagnosis. (not that the diagnosis matters to me, only that I get something to ease the stress and depression.) That has not happened in the last year. Long story. I get by.
I do remember being physically and sexually assaulted as an adult. I do know that there are times when I get freaked out just being around people. Especially other men. Then, at other times, no problem at all. Today I am gay. Tomorrow the whole idea of sex (or even physical contact with anyone) is disgusting. Today I enjoy pool as a pass time. Other days my likes are completely different. Today I don't drink or take drugs. No desire. Tomorrow however, I may really need to seek help.
I have a bad memory, at times. At other times it is clear.
I do know that very often I can go out in public and it it is like I am waiting for the worst to happen. I am not comfortable. I am always waiting/expecting the worst. I have my eye on the room to make sure I am safe.
Not sure if this is coming out the way I wanted it to. If is says what I want to say. But, that is my Howdie to you all. I'll try to explain beter later.
J
