Sufferer Hi. Experiences With Fundamentalist Christianity Cults.

[bluehairedstevo]

Hi everybody.

So I'm currently going to therapy for PTSD. I was diagnosed when I had to quit my job because my coworkers triggered me and it made me feel like I was back in the cultlike fundamentalist Christian / Southern Baptist type of situation I was in. I reacted to them in the exact same way I reacted to those people, even though I knew rationally that these are my coworkers in 2012. I currently can't work because I always feel like my boss will yell at me and I'll mess something up.

I always feel a little ashamed because I have triggers around religion, like churches. Intellectually I accept everyone's right to have their own personal relationship to religion. But emotionally it was such a horrible experience to have them do everything they could to tear down my psychological defenses because I was gay.

It was never helpful for me to hear people say things like "people can be gay AND christian." I always had a reaction like - yes, that is true. But look at all the horrible things that they did to me - being gay and christian may work for others, but it's not for me, personally.

And one thing that is really helping is to learn how to separate that hateful type of Christianity from religion in general. For example, I recently learned that Chick Tracts are classified as a hate group, which made me feel so much better because I grew up surrounded by people who thought that those are normal, holy, godly, righteous teachings.

I hope that that wasn't too much of a novel. I'm bad at conciseness.

 

[krikkit]

Welcome, bluehairedstevo. I'm actually gay as well. Although I did not have traumatic experiences revolving around religiously based psychological abuse, I have sometimes had the same problem with conflating hate and religion. It sounds like despite your trauma you have a respectful, intelligent approach to coping and separating abusers who use religion as a tool and those who happen to have faith. It's the same thing I am doing, I'm glad it's helping you with your trauma.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi and welcome. There is a name for what happened to you, it is called spiritual abuse and it is a real thing that happens in toxic churches with toxic people.
This is a good site to get help, hope, support, and encouragement. I am glad you found this place. Take your time and get familiar with the forums,It is a treasure trove of information here. enjoy:)

 

[bluehairedstevo]

It sounds like despite your trauma you have a respectful, intelligent approach to coping and separating abusers who use religion as a tool and those who happen to have faith. It's the same thing I am doing, I'm glad it's helping you with your trauma.

Thank you for the kind words.

I feel like I do have an intelligent approach to it. The problem is actually putting what I intellectually know into practice instead of getting overwhelmed by emotions when I get triggered. heh. But, seriously, thank you for affirming the intellectual thing. It's a useful coping mechanism that I'm trying to reclaim as my own, if that makes sense, given the extremely anti-intellectual environment I was in.