Supporter Hi Guys... I Have Fallen In Love With A Ptsd Sufferer And Need Your Advice Please.

[Westy64]

This is the first time I have reached out for advice, but I don't know what else to do. I met the guy I have fallen in love with a year ago. We got very close, very quickly and were keeping in contact by texts, as he lives some distance from me. He then halted communication and refused to speak to me at all. He shut me out of his life. After three months he contacted me again and we have been speaking since. I recently went to see him and we spent a fantastic weekend together. He was keen for me to move down closer to him, to get work and for us to live together. However, after I left he hit a low and withdrew again. Luckily, this time he hasn't totally shut me out. He is still keeping some level of daily texting contact with me. He says he is struggling to cope. Please guys tell me what I should do. I love him so much and don't know if he will come back to me. All advice gratefully accepted. Thank you...

 

[amethist]

Hi Westy64

Welcome to the forum.

This is going to be a tough one for you to decide on, moving down to be with him with a place of your own for a while could work well, but please think carefully before you give up everything and move in with him.

If you have the patience of a Saint and the skin of a Rhino, it could work out well for you, just be aware of what could go wrong as well as all the good things.

How would you cope if he switched off from you and you were living with him, he asked you to move out and you had no where to go.

I am married to my sufferer and after a good week away, he switched off on me this morning, something he has not done for a long time now. How would you deal with this coming out of the blue, what would you do, could you let him be to come round in his own time, ignoring some of the comments.

This may not be the man you know, but it could be the PTSD you have yet to see.

If you can work all this out together before you make that step, then go for it, if not, give it a while longer and see how he goes.

All the above may sound negative and a touch harsh, but with over 5 years experience, it helps to know the other side of it too.

Good luck to you and I do hope you can work it out together.

 

[Westy64]

Hi and thank you for your reply,

Do you know what...yes I could put up with it and yes I could put up with how he shuts off from me. He needs someone who is willing to do it and he needs support. I love him enough to do it.

However, I am looking to find work and find a place of my own and move close to where he is. That way it is a stepping stone to moving in with him and gives us the connection and space to see if it works.

I cannot and will not give in on him...he cannot help that serving his country has resulted in him being so scarred. I think he feels he doesn't deserve to be loved.

I am willing to do everything I have to do to show him he does deserve to be loved as he is a truly wonderful man.

Thanks so much again. You don't know how important your words were...to the point or not...they helped.

 

[BigBear]

Hi Westy,

I'd suggest reading around a lot in the supporters section. Fore warned is fore armed! The most important thing that a sufferer needs is consistency from their supporter. That's much easier to do if you know what might come and have a plan!

Glad you are here,

Bear

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

I second what the others side and believe you should take their advice if it suits you.

Take care.

 

[Westy64]

Thank you everyone for being so kind...I am open to all advice. I think I need to learn to listen carefully, read and absorb. I am grateful that you guys have welcomed me. Got my listening head on now, so keen to take any suggestions on board.
Thanks again.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

 

[Westy64]

Thank you...pleased to meet you =)

 

[Dallas]

Hi Westy,
Welcome! You will find a lot of good information on this site. I have a similar experience to yours, but we were only dating 3 or 4 months, so I don't feel qualified to offer any opinions or advice at this stage. I am just waiting it out...sending encouraging letters with positive scripture (we are both Christians)...that's all I can do is be supportive and positive as I would to any friend that is not doing well. It's been almost 4 weeks (I think) since I heard from him.

Sincerely, Dallas.

 

[Dallas]

I am at peace with the situation because I know he is in God's hands, and God will do a better job of healing him than I could ever imagine to do in a million years. Just as He's healed me from all my past hurts and traumas, I know He will heal my guy.

Sincerely, Dallas.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I advise you to read, read, read the posts here on the forum, both in the supporters area and the sufferers area.

I'm not going to lie, being a supporter is HARD work... I admire you for wanting to be there for this guy. But, at the same time, I hope you learn as much as you can about this disorder as it can be quite difficult to live with a sufferer.

I wish you the best.

 

[Westy64]

Thanks for your kind words ScaredOfLonely. I am reading as much as I can here...and it has provided me already with lots to think about. I am also learning much through other veterans with PTSD that I am in contact with.

I know how hard this is going to be, and I know he will push me away many times. The trick is to let him see that, although he may push me away, I am still here on the edges of his life. I am waiting with words of support, love and encouragement. I feel with patience and time he will come back to me, as...in some ways I will have proven I understand what he is going through and in life he won't find many women who will be willing to go that extra mile. I have told him I love him enough to wait for a lifetime...and I will. I know I am getting myself into a whole lotta heartache, at times, but I you can't help where you fall in love.

I am getting a taste of how difficult this would be to live with and so I plan to move down nearer to where he lives, but get a new job, my own place and remain independent for a while. He will know he can come to me, and if he needs to he can go back to his own space when he needs it then he will be able to do so.
Time will tell.

Be well and thank you for those kind words again.