Hi, I Am Tainted Heart

[tainted heart]

I was sexually abused on and off by my real father from the age of 2 to 11 years old, during visitations with him. I was emotionally and sexually abused by my first boyfriend and then raped when I was 19 years old.

I suffer from depression, personality disorders, anxiety, and PTSD. Lately the PTSD has been affecting me with my husband to the point I will have night terrors, black outs and tunnel vision.

He is very supportive, but I am trying to find another outlet besides him and my psychiatrist. It is very hard for me to show any expression of feeling because my father would yell at me if I showed any signs of sadness so I held it in. I started self mutilating at age 12 til I was 17 and then my now husband, helped me stop.

He has been a god send but he does work so I don't know when to talk with him because he is working or very tired and i do not want to make matters worse. So I am here and want to be able to work on some of my issues with like minded people.

 

[Lucycat]

Hi Tainted Heart and welcome,
Well done for sharing some of your story already. I hope you are able to find the support and comfort on here that you deserve
Best Wishes
Lucy x

 

[cherryblossom]

Hello Tainted Heart :wave:

Welcome to the forum :peekaboo:

It sounds like you have been through a hell of a lot. I hope this forum helps you along your healing journey. Well done for writing so much on your first post :thumbsup:That takes a lot of courage, so sincerely well done. Your husband sounds like a great support..... but you are right - sometimes it really helps to talk to people who have been through similar, so in that respect I'm very glad that you found us. Take as much time as you need to have a good read around :reading:, and jump in and post whatever you need, when you are ready.

Take care
CB

 

[Nyx]

Welcome. I see you have a lot to fight off, so I wish you lots of courage and strength. Well done for sharing with us and I hope you feel comfortable here.
Take care.

 

[rosie]

I'm sorry for your loss of innocence when you were younger, how truly awful for you. i am so glad you're seeking the therapy you need, you sound like you have lots of support too from your husband I am so so glad :) talk away to us while he's at work it will be lovely to help you through any difficult feelings you are having and you will help others at the same time.

 

[WonderingWhy]

Tainted Heart,

I just wanted to send you a bit belated, but BIG WELCOME!!:wave: