Sufferer Hi I'm A New

[forloveandlight]

Hi Everyone,

I have developed complex ptsd due to repetitive domestic violence and emotional/verbal abuse that started when I was three years old. I was raised by parents with complex ptsd and OCD. The history of abuse goes back to my great grandparents. In addition to putting up with all the drama at home, bullying at school and college caused further trauma with body dysmorphia.

Through self realization, I now understand my life like a tapestry. The initial trauma made a huge impact on my personality development, the decisions I have made and the paths I have taken as an adult. I feel relieved to have finally found out about complex ptsd (through Pete Walker's book) but I also feel sad and angry. I have turned the corner but my road to recovery is still at an early stage. I can't afford to see a private counsellor so I have been reading books and also trying mindfulness. :)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Welcome to the forum!

I have found Pete's site to be INCREDIBLY helpful! I don't know how much of what is on his site overlaps with his book, so if you haven't checked it out yet, I'd recommend it. I use his recommendations for dealing with emotional flashbacks. I've been to a lot of trauma counseling and a number of trauma hospitals/treatment centers, and nobody gave me advice on how to really deal with the emotional flashbacks in an effective way. I know he has a number of other articles there as well.

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi @forloveandlight , (PS your avatar is so sweet I almost need to give up bacon! :) )

I get that. The tapestry idea is beautiful. I think (now) of all my fractured, broken jagged pieces of myself as glass, like a stained glass window though. It is ok though when the light can get through. :)

Welcome to you. :)

 

[forloveandlight]

Thank you for your reply. I'll definitely check out his website. His book is absolutely amazing and it was like finding a missing piece of jigsaw puzzle. Dealing with emotional flashbacks is my biggest challenge so I still need to do a lot of work to manage it effectively. :)

 

[forloveandlight]

Hi @Junebug, Thank you for your message. I'm glad to hear you liked the piggy photo.
I like the stained glass idea, too. :) The next chapter of my tapestry is still blank at the moment but I'm hoping to be the chief editor from now on and I won't let my family or any other toxic people to take over my position. :)

 

[Tinyflame]

Hugs to you @forloveandlight .

 

[Gadgie]

Welcome to the site Kismit, I'm fairly new here myself and have already benefited from sharing my thoughts, and have received a lot of help from the nice folk on here.

Good luck, and keep posting.

 

[forloveandlight]

Thank you @Gadgie :)
I tend to bottle up my thoughts so I'm glad to have found this forum.

 

[Ghostybear73]

Welcome to the forum :)

 

[forloveandlight]

Thank you @Ghostybear73 :)

 

[intothelight]

@forloveandlight Welcome to the forum! :)

Abuse is generational and until the pattern is broken, it will keep resulting in broken families. I hope you find this site helpful and I wish you the best in breaking the pattern.

 

[forloveandlight]

Thank you @intothelight :)
It's so sad that my parents chose to repeat the vicious cycle.
My head is so busy and I don't know where to start but I want to be happy one day without thinking I don't deserve happiness.