Hi, I'm Kelly And Receiving Inpatient Therapy... So Confused.

[Kelly-jo]

Hi everyone. I have been reading in this site for a few weeks, I find it helpful. please excuse my capitalization etc as I am posting from my black berry.

I am being treated for severe symptoms of PTSD at an inpatient facillity. I don't really know what else to say. I have been in the hospital now for 4 months. One month in ICU due to the last incident. I have been "abused" (I "" that because I had no idea how abnormal it was til I landed in ICU) for 12 years since I was a kid. I thought that it (abuse) was a part of everyone's life, and I was kept private. I have followed many strict rules, and am here to be reprogrammed. There is a police investigation going on now, and I find it really stressful. I had no idea how gross I was compared to the rest of the world.

Psycho therapy is hard. And exposure therapy. I also have a dissociation disorder. I guess I just feel so crazy and like I have been so wrong my whole life. My psychologist keeps having me question the rules and beliefs I "know" and most of everything I have learned needs to be unlearned. It is so hard. It is weird to be in a rehab as well. Not a drugs or alch rehab. I have managed to avoid that.

Has anyone else done in patient? 4 months so far and I still feel like I don't know how the real world works. So many things are new to me. The last incident I almost died, and I guess that was the onset of PTSD. I'm sorry if this makes no sense. I am just sooooo confused. I don't think I will ever be normal.

 

[James B.]

Hello Kelly-jo, welcome to the forum.

 

[Childhood's_End]

Hi, and welcome. I haven't been in inpatient therapy myself, but some things I have learned. First of all, you aren't gross. People may have done sick things to you, but that doesn't make you tainted. I know that's a poor comfort when your life is so chaotic, but it's important. While everything seems crazy (and it is), that doesn't mean you're fundamentally damaged, or that it won't get any better. You may never be "normal," whatever that means (personally, I was quite strange prior to my trauma, in ways I was both proud and ashamed of, though I know there are people who can't remember a time before trauma, or have a different self-concept), but you can be happy again, to enjoy life. It's a long and difficult road, and it is probably a bad idea to focus on a single "moment" of "my PTSD is cured on this day, or this month, or this year." Things will come and go, even once things are relatively stable, I think a part of it always stays, for most people anyway. Focusing on when your life will be "normal" will probably just make it harder to enjoy and stay in the present, because it puts the emphasis on everything that isn't normal or perfect in your life. I know that much well.

 

[Iam]

Welcome Kelly-jo. I have been hospitalized once, but not kept as inpatient. Still.....I understand what you are saying about not feeling"normal" and having to relearn how you view the world and your thought processes. I am glad that you are in a place where you can get help. It sounds like your therapist is good and helping you ask teh right questions. You will find lots of support here on the forum. Good luck and keep working hard!

 

[Michel]

Kelly welcome. I would say much more but I just spent about an hour writing a reply to your post, then when I tried to send, was shown a message, saying "You don't have permission to perform this action. Refresh the page and log in again." I tried that, it didn't work, and I really can't start all over.

Sorry.