Hi, I'm New Here - Diagnosed 6 Months Ago

[Jenna]

Hi, my name is Jenna and I was diagnosed with PTSD 6 months ago. I've been seeing a therapist, but so far it still feels like I'm in the same place I started at. She's been urging me to start going to group therapy but I don't think I can do that yet. I thought maybe if I can manage to talk about things here anonymously, maybe I can work my way up to doing group. I can't really stand to talk about the details of what happened, but from reading other posts on here, I'm sure most of you will know. I had Things happen in my childhood that have impacted my life. I'm married, and this is destroying my marriage. I feel like I'm on a deadline of when I have to get better. My emotions are all over the place, mostly just depressed and hopeless when I'm by myself, and during therapy it's that and extreme anger, rage and anxiety. I'm scared to do group, I keep imagining a room full of war vets, and me trying to talk about other issues. I really hate this, I hate exposing myself, I hate having to talk about this, over and over. My therapist thinks if you talk about it over and over it'll desenitize you, but all it seems to do is make me feel sick, then angry, and then rage and finally the full blown panic attack. Anyways, I guess this is another step in trying to get better, another foot forward.

 

[cragger65]

Hi Jenna,

I admire the courage it must have taken just to post this. My experiences are probably quite different from yours, but the feelings I've experienced are identical to yours.

I hope you can connect with a few people here who share your experiences, so you don't have to feel like you're going it alone.


Best of luck in your healing,
Dave

 

[tryintobreathe]

Jenna,

Welcome to the forum. I understand the fear you have about opening up. This is a great place to start to share and talk with others who understand. It really helps knowing you aren't alone. There are some very wonderful and caring people here.

Jen

 

[Deleted member 541]

Hi Jenna,

Your therapist is correct in that, talking/writing about it over and over will desensitize you.......You need to take breaks in between though, and decompress, as that is very very important.....you can't just open the flood gates, and expect things to be ok......It has to be done in the right way, or you will crash.....

We all pretty much know how tough it is, to start the process, and then to keep going with it, but we all pretty much know too, that it's the only way.......

I suggest that you read as much as you can, and ask questions that you might have......I hope that you find this place as helpful as all of us here have.....

 

[FightingLily]

Hi Jenna,

Welcome. I am glad you found us here.

There is no deadline in getting better. We all heal at our own pace- never let anyone tell you any different. Jen is right. This is a great place to start in sharing what you are comfortable sharing. The first post is always the hardest, believe me- we all know this to be true. Soon enough, you too, will be offering welcomes and encouragement to new members.
Best Wishes,
FL

 

[Laurra]

Hi Jenna,

I am 45 years old and have PTSD since I was 2.

There are many phases to it as well as different levels. This is no cure for it.

The US government is spending 50 million dollars over the next 5 years to study it, but war vets, who have the same level of PTSD as me want it NOW. It has never been taken seriously before or studied to a sufficient level.

Many websites have rules and will inactive a persons account if they bring up the important issues because they cannot face reality. We have to take a good hard look at the symptoms and how people deal with it, which are usually unhealthy. On a scale of 1-10, the medical community is about 2-3, they will just give you pills do help with the symptoms, even though you will still experience them. I think it is a pharmaceutical scam personally. The brain crosses a threshold that a normal person would not experience and it cannot return to its former state. Myself, there are two giants awaken in my mind I have to keep in check, one is suicidal, the other is homicidal, it is my reality and many others, but as soon as you mention those words, your account can be deleted and a person can become banned.

I live with it, but have no intention of purposely acting. No one said life was going to be easy, but IT IS worth it. I am happy, loved, and count my blessings several times a day, knowing that my family disapproves of some of my lifestyle choices to cope, but in general, even though I don't feel it, I am loved very much and needed, despite my deficiencies.

There is no advice to give someone with PTSD that works, as I said, it is a new topic on the table for the medical community to look at and revamp. But first and foremost, they have to listen to the sufferers, let them express their true experience with their mind without penalty and take the ball and run. I am here for you anytime. Talk to me about anything on your mind, healthy or unhealthy, I pass no judgement.

 

[xcarolineno]

Jenna,

I really relate to what you said about being in a room of war vets... while all due respect to veterans (I have the UTMOST respect for you all), this is not at all my experience... but it is certainly the most commonly cited experience of PTSD. I was just diagnosed this week, and am terrified to start therapy. I Don't Want To Talk About It. At All. In fact, I just told my boyfriend of two years last night about the diagnosis (after a week of knowing) and about what exactly happened (after two years of dating). My boyfriend actually said, bless his heart, "well it's not like you've seen death and destruction, isn't this something people get who go to war?" Of course, it's not his fault for not knowing about PTSD, but that's when I actually had to go into detail about *exactly* how bad my last relationship was, and also that avoidance and dissociation are symptoms of PTSD. Which was and continues to today to be a traumatic conversation to have had. It's an amazing sense of loss and disorientation to talk about it. It was almost like I didn't want to let go of it or make it real by speaking it.

I'm with Laurra, I'm willing to listen and be there and perhaps, without even having to talk about it too much, we've been in similar situations...