Undiagnosed Hi, In Need Of Company

[Josey]

Hi. My name is Josey. I have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety, but this PTSD seems to fit almost perfectly with me. Right now, I am supposed to be going to work. I am late. I feel so scared. I don't think I can do this. By "this" I mean, be out. I was doing kind of okay until today. I have to work a ten hour shift and I think it is above my limitations right now. I was having severe breakdowns every morning before work when I was only doing 4-6 hours a day,but I could force myself to go.

I have been reading a lot in these forums . Last night, I couldn't sleep and just read.
I guess I should introduce myself. I am in my mid twenties. I am just starting this road. I didn't start having these problems until I had to start interacting with the world around me. I thought I was strong for overcoming my childhood and that I would help other children who were going through the things I went through, but now I feel awful. My husband is supportive and wonderful, but sometimes I don't feel like I can say stuff to him because he won't fully understand it, or, understand the severity of it. I was going to therapy and taking some medicine but o can't pay for it now so I gradually got off the medicine and had to atop seeing my T.

I am so late for work. I just want to disappear.

 

[J_trustno1]

Hi Josey, welcome to the forum. Feel free to share things with us and most people will try their best to help you out. You can also privately message them clicking the conversation button. Yes, it is difficult to start motivating yourself to do things when you have been abused all your childhood and suffering PTSD and depression. But don't give up.

 

[Ti Vu]

Hello, Josey:) and a big, warm welcome to the forum. I'm Ti. You are strong for overcoming your childhood. You are strong for wanting to help others that have been/are going through what you have, you are strong for being able to work 4-6 hours every day. And you are very strong for opening up and talking about it.

I'm glad to hear that you have a husband who is supportive:) and yes, sometimes- many times, people can't fully understand. How could they? That's why we're here. So come here as often as you want or are able to. We'll help each other through this. :)

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Welcome. I made to work today, but promptly left. Some days are like that. I, too, have a supportive husband, but you're right it's hard to talk to other people about what's going on especially when you don't think they could possibly understand. It doesn't make sense to me, let alone someone who has no idea what it's like to live with PTSD. I hope you find support here and know that you can be strong even when you don't feel like you are. That was one of my first lessons- having strength and feeling strong don't have to go together for it to be true that you are strong. I agree with @Ti Vu - you are strong.

 

[Randombits]

4-6 hrs of work depending on what sets off your symptoms can be an eternity. Even before I was fully diagnosed just in therapy because something wasn't right anymore I couldn't get my therapist to clear me for a job dealing with the general public (I had been self employed for five yrs at that point but the physical end of trauma affected my career so I considered an immediate income need probable).
I've found ways to deal and still work for myself but it's nothing like it was.

Everyone else is right every day you make it to that job is strength

 

[intothelight]

Hi @Josey

Welcome to the forum! :)

There are days when it take superhuman strength just to leave the house and do what is needed. That is where a site like this can be so beneficial as there are members here who really understand just how much of a struggle it is and provide the encouragement needed to continue to face each day.

If you are currently seeing a therapist, bring up your concerns about having PTSD. Having a proper diagnosis is important as it will help you and your mental health provider direct treatment and actually treat what is wrong. As you read, you will find it is pretty common for people with PTSD to have a variety of diagnoses before actually being diagnosed with PTSD.

Debbie

 

[Josey]

Thank you, everybody. I did make it it through work. It was a good day. Reading all of the posts on here really helped me keep going.

 

[Josey]

I wanted to add. It was Friday The 13th! I work as a Home Health Aide and I promptly broke a vase while work dusting. the positive thing was that the sweet lady was nice about it and I didn't get yelled at. :-) I then left for my next client. I stopped to get gas and the pump gushed gasoline all over my uniform! The good news? I didn't explode while cooking dinner for someone! Yaaaay! I did put some sweats on and wash my clothes and wash my arms about 3 times.

All this bad stuff kept happening, but I just kept going. I'm not normally very good with humor.Like, I dont laugh at jokes and stuff because laughing feels so alien to me. But the fact that yesterday was a true Friday The 13th, made me laugh a little.

Also, I accidentally scared a pigeon into hitting a store window two or three times in a row. I thought I had injured the stupid thing! But after a little rest it was able to fly away.

IT WAS A GOOD DAY BECAUSE I DIDNT EXPLODE:-P

 

[Randombits]

Considering you got gas all over your self not exploding making it a good day is a pretty literal statement ;)