Hi :-) - Looking for Support

[upstream]

Hey hey! Joined looking to find others like me, hoping for understanding and support. I'm 23, and I have PTSD from long term childhood abuse, neglect, and trauma.

About a year and a half ago I fell deeply in love with someone who had been through something similar, and I began to have flashbacks and powerful mood swings. She put me through a lot and eventually put my heart in blender. I guess you could say I have had a tendency to fall for damaged and even absusive women...

I'm better now than I ever thought I could be, but I still struggle. I was recently going through a bad spell, which motivated me to find this website.

Anyway, I'm excited about this, looking forward to chatting with you.

By the way, why does a PTSD forum have such abusive and violent smiley faces? wierd...

 

[Deleted member 93]

Welcome to the forum, the smilies are a good reflection of our emotions.

ETA - here is a link, just go to the "About the Forum" section to see a deeper look. [DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread931.html[/DLMURL]

 

[becvan]

welcome to the forum

bec

 

[mac]

Hey hey! I guess you could say I have had a tendency to fall for damaged and even absusive women...

Hey Upstream, welcome, but be for-warned... allegedly some one else on this forum (Scott Fraser) had, I guess, similar tendencies... acted on them... and got banned.

 

[anthony]

Hi upstream, welcome to the forum.

 

[Portabella]

Welcome to the forum Upstream!

 

[cookie]

hey upstream, welcome to the forum

 

[Deleted member 93]

Falling for women who have had a rough go in life is not the same as preying upon them, Mac, for which is why he was banned and that topic was locked if you recall. Please do not make me lock an intro since this has been covered.

 

[upstream]

"have had" as in past tense. They befriended me, and I tried to help them and take care of them, not prey on them. I've learned people need to help themselves.

 

[Deleted member 93]

Upstream, I think it is really normal. That knight in shining armor thing LOL... What was stated to you and was brought up was completely different than what you said and taken out of context.

We all learn here we are responsible in the end for our self care, but to have a spouse or friend who helps us when we fall flat on our face, which we do, is not a bad thing nor makes them a bad person; but we certainly must do the bulk of the work and to have support is not bad ;)

Falling for abusive women I would imagine is much the same as many women who seem to always fall into a relationship worse and more abusive than the last. Some how we always ended up thinking it does not get worse to only find it does. Abuse is most certainly not just against women and very big of you seeing that. But sometimes you just get lucky or you changed what look for. Low self esteem and confidence can also be a major factor, as it is with PTSD. It gets better in time and healing too. Again, glad to have you here. Hope that did not spook you!

 

[upstream]

The night after I found and posted on this site I had the best nights sleep that I can remember in a very long time. Such a wonderful sunny dream too. Thank you.

 

[upstream]

Hope that did not spook you!

nah, I just felt like I was being misportrayed as a shallow creep or internet stalker or something... honestly I was afraid I'd log on and find something worse considering the last few forums I've been on (not related to PTSD or anything medical).

Thanks for the words of encouragement :-)