Hi There...

[Sterre]

I’m so glad i found this forum! I’m a 41 year old woman located in Europe, suffering from Complex trauma ( C-PTSD), due to severe abuse and domestic violence when I was a child. I’m in therapy for 5 years now, once every two weeks I visit my psychiatrist. I also take anti depressants and sleep medication. Recently I doubt the effectiveness of my therapy and my medication, I’m losing faith in my therapist and medication and it makes me very anxious, at the same time I find that this crises in trust brings some unexpected overall breakthroughs in my view about the how, the why and ways of my trauma’s. Let me apologise for grammar mistakes since English is not my native language, and the spell check doesn’t always work right.

I’ve already read a lot of the general info on this forum and I find it to be soothing and confronting at the same time. I find a lot of comfort to read that I’m not alone in this crazy turmoil of feelings! At this moment my thoughts are racing and anxiety ( panic attacks) are having the best of me. My panic attacks mostly are based upon the fear of going crazy.

My concentration level is low at the moment, so writing this intro takes a lot of my energy away, and I must focus really hard to write a coherent text.
In my own country i was not able to find a forum like this one. Thank you all for posting your personal experiences with PTSD, it gives me great comfort to know I’m not alone!

If there are any questions about my story, feel free to ask.

Ps; I saw I already have one follower called “Death”. I don’t thinks it’s amusing, in fact its creeping me out. What about this follower? How do I get rid of it?

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Hello and welcome. No, you really really are not alone!Its nice here, to talk and read about other things. It opens your eyes to new ways to deal with your trauma.

About your follower... There is not any way to stop them from following you. But ask "death", he or she will/ should stop. Just go to there profile and write on his/her page.

 

[AdamAnt]

I wonder if this is the only forum in which the participants have a "pet Death"? HA!

Welcome sterre!

 

[anthony]

Hey Sterre.... welcome to the forum.

 

[amethist]

Hi Sterre

Welcome to the forum.

Please don't worry about the Death character, he seems to be quite friendly. He also has to follow the forum rules and show respect to all members. He would be banned if he stepped out of line.

Take care and good luck.

Amethist.

 

[cherryblossom]

Hi Sterre, welcome to the forum.

You are definately not alone, nor are you going crazy, and you have come to the right place for help and support. Anxiety is part of PTSD, unfortunately. But as with all PTSD symptoms, it can be 'managed'. If you are finding your therapy to be ineffective, I would suggest you find another therapist. 5 years is a very long time to be in therapy, without results.

Also, don't worry about your grammar, etc, your English is very good:)
Take care,
CB

p.s. - Don't worry about 'Death', he won't hurt you. He's trying to bring us some humour, in his own way, but all staff have a very close eye on him, so don't let him worry you.

 

[Leda]

Welcome to the forum - from another CPTSD survivor:)

 

[lovinbiker]

Welcome to the forum,
As others have said I wouldnt worry about Death I have found him/her to be very nice with some good advise :D

LB

 

[Sad Nicola]

Hi Sterre

Don't worry about the names and the avatars. Personally I find the recent trend on this site for uber-cool/scary avatars a bit alienating. I'm just a sad 54 year old woman from Europe - England - suffering from c-ptsd.

I empathise with your concerns about medication - nothing they ever gave me helped - the SSRIs nearly pushed me over the edge and the SNRI they tried pushed me into seratonin syndrome within two days. All these drugs were dispensed by a General Practitioner who knew next to nothing about psychiatric problems, let alone the trauma-based ones. I now manage with a light dose of diazepam and meditation and a lot of self-awareness. There are no easy answers, but there is a path forwards that just kowing that helps.

Anyway, hang in here with us. There is much you can learn here that will be helpful to you, and many people you can identify with if you look. Some of the information pages here are the best I have found. In particular, have a look at some of the 'detraumatisation' therapies that are around these days.

Luck and love to you
Nicola

 

[anni]

Hi Sterre,

I think your English is amazing! I think it's like that in Europe, where one learns languages perhaps more seriously than we are here in the US generally speaking. I had 4 years of German, went there and was completely baffled.I understood nothing and noone understood me. On the other hand, we were told if we wished to communicate, ask the nearest child and they'd be happy to practice their English. Boy did they! Astonishing.

I'm sorry you're losing faith in your therapist. Ordinarily one would suggest finding another but if there's something which is causing break-throughs for you, perhaps it's not quite the right time for such a big change? It was hard to tell from your post, however, and if your T really is ineffective perhaps asking others for someone who might be better suited for you would be a good idea. I only know from experience as we heal somewhat, we tend to get the strength to at least know we deserve the care that will move us forward. If you have the energy, there's an old thread which comes back up sometimes, 'Therapists I could do without' I think it's called. It's both a little alarming and sometimes funny, too, in the experiences people write of. It's just a little helpful to know you'd not be the only one having doubts, and the various reasons why.

Meds are really personal things, and if yes, you feel they are incorrect as a lot of us have through our own experiences it's probably good to trust your own instincts and maybe discuss this with someone. If you have no confidence in your T at the moment, perhaps your regular physician could be helpful? I just know my own has been helful with this in the past, and really validating too, when I feel something is just not quite right.

Welcome to the forum. I do hope you find it helpful here. Do take care.

Anni

 

[Sterre]

Thank you all for the warm welcome!

This forum helps me a lot these days. I live in the netherlands and our healt care system is much different then the healt care system in the US or the one in the UK.
I'm amazed by the amount of recongnision i read when i scroll down the different topics and articles. i just cannot seem to find this kind of info in my own country.There is some dutch info on the net, and there is a Dutch PTSD group, but the last message i found on it stems from 2007.It's pretty much dead i suppose.

Five years ago i started therapy with a female psychiatrist. She is not only subscribing medication, but i also follow somekind of trauma therapie with her. I have a two week apointment for one hour ( for now it's once a week). She provides and follows schematherapy with me. Altough i've always trusted her a lot, a recently had a break of trust, and now i am slowly rebuilding the bond i have with her. I'm not sure if my trust crises had to do with the fact that i stopped taking antidepressants for 4 months ago. After losing a job for the forth time, i just lost all my faith in medication and therapy. I still doubt everything, especcially myself and the abbility to recover and overcome my teribble youth. At this point in my life i feel trapped. I lost my confidence to maintain a job and be financially independant, i lost my faith in maintainig a relationship, or my social skills.The only thing i don't doubt ( sometimes at my darkest moments i do) is my abillity to be a loving parent for my little girl.

There is a special trauma therapy centre in my country that just recently started treating CPTSD, but the treatment takes three years for 2/3 days a week, i will mean that my life is on hold for such a long time. It will mean i have to go on dissability and i cannot accept that this therapy will be the only solution to a better life. It feels to much like a sacrifice to submit myself to this long therapy, esspecialy since i'm allready in therapy for five years with my current therapist and i'm really working very very hard in that therapy.

Sorry if i'm rambling about, maybe i should do it in another topic?

Again..thank you all for your responds!

Anni, thanks for the compliment about my english. Your post about your german adventure made me laugh, to bad they could not understand a single word you spoke to them!:)

 

[Iam]

Hi Sterre and welcome to the forum. I understand the break in trust. I think that happens from time to time even with our T's. Have you told her how you are feeling? I think that it is interesting that your break in trust preciptated some breakthroughs for you. Perhaps the break in trust has more to do with your fears and hence the trust issue brought things to the surface? IDK....just a thought.

I am so sorry for your difficulties. PTSD can rob us of so much. It seems many are in therapy for years, if not decades. My new trauma T has said that she's had clients come to her that were in therapy for 20 years and found that EMDR was extremely effective for them and moved them forward! C-PTSD has already stolen so much of your life. Maybe the trauma center would be worth looking into for you. 3 years would be a worthwhile investment if it gave you a lifetime of relief! I understand though.....such intense therapy would be tough, especially when raising a child.

I am glad that you found the forum. You are not alone. You will find so much support here.

BTW your english is fine as is your very coherent introduction. Glad to meet you! :)