Hi There.

[SnapDragon]

I'm new to this site. I needed some support from ppl who may going though the same problem I am to give me reassurance that I'm not the only one who goes through it! :( Hopefully, there is someone out there who can help. :tup: Sometimes, when I get really angry, or frustrated, or insulted by someone-who just doesn't want to hear me out or believe what I have to say- I punch and scratch myself as if I'm trying to discipline or punish myself! During that moment, I just go through this "I'm a piece of sh*t or just not worthy" phase, and I don't seem to feel the blows I inflict on myself until its over! I feel like I deserve it during those times.. why do I do this? I'm afraid to get help because ppl might think I'm crazy. I don't think I am, I'm just so sensitive sometimes!

 

[Zemi]

hi snapdragon, welcome :) You really aren't the only one that goes through any of this and aren't alone in it. It doesn't sound crazy to me either, just that you are hurting a lot and need some help to change how you cope with things. Therapists are familiar with working with people who feel and behave as you described and any decent one should be able to help you so I hope you'll give one a try as well as finding understanding and insight from this forum. As far as why, maybe for now it's the only way you've learnt to respond?

 

[SnapDragon]

Hi Zemi. Thank you for responding. I'm not too sure where this came from, but I do remember having these episodes as a little girl escalated by my mother. I was very mentally and emotionally abused as a child. I have confidence issues, too.

<Edited: No requirement to quote posts when directly responding to them.>

 

[Srain]

Welcome SnapDragon :)

(I love your name btw, my Great Grandma use to grow them in her desert garden when I was a little girl :) )

Anyway, I recognize your reactions to your hurting yourself. I have hurt myself throughout the years due to feelings of sadness, or like I did something to deserve it, or the pain I was feeling was so intense I did not know what else to do. I learned this as a little girl, it's the reactions of child in a grown body now. I some times have done it because I feel numb and I think I need to FEEL something.

I am learning the reasons are different than what I have originally thought. Any emotion from me was basically ridiculed or punished in some way so now that I'm on my own, I, in effect, punish myself. It can be a deeply embarrassing issue but it's part of my abuse issues. I work with my tdoc and husband to step away from hurting myself, trying to keep in mind that I've been hurt enough, I don't need to hurt myself more.

Glad you are here,
Rain

 

[SnapDragon]

Hi Rain.

Thank you for sharing your input. It helps me to know and realize that there is someone else out there ..who understands what we feel! Yes, it is like I feel like whatever emotions I put forth, are just ridiculed by certain ppl who think that they are authority figures to me and it hits a nerve sometimes..and I just self destruct and release the frustrations on myself. I'm better today now. This just gets triggered when I'm cornered and dom't get the space I need.

 

[SnapDragon]

Btw, Rain is a very beautiful name. It happens to be my daughter's middle name! :)

 

[Srain]

:) I love that!

 

[shadowchaser]

Hey Snapdragon

I know how you feel.. I'm a rubber. I've rubbed my arms to the point of bleeding one to many times. The backs of them feel like sand paper because of it. I'm still working on venting in other ways when I'm not myself.