humanitamit
New Here
I have a sad story to tell. I am sure I have complex PTSD. I wore glasses , got shifted to bull**** hostel when I was kid in class 3; rotted there till tenth. Life was hell. Bullied constantly hit roped etc. Now have forgotten most of the high points i.e. suppressed them forcefully. Still they are all visible in my behavior and attitude to others. Psychopaths those people were, I developed high pain threshold, dont think of this high pain threshold as good. The raw, the void; these were mechanisms to cope with the dark reality. It is eeringly similar to how I felt. When I finally left hostel and led free life , I had lots of hatred in me.. Wanted to destroy the universe, seriously, was thinking to build something to destroy all this universe like those in comics, anyways I was pretty much logical and spiritual and moral , raised so in childhood, did lots of meditations., maybe that was cause as well as saved me some pain of bullying, even though I had secured rank 4 in senior national maths Olympiad. I now have biotech as my career, all I blame to 8 years of bullying.
Believe me, when I was free, I thought I would do it (recover) on my own. Thus I studied psychology on my own deeply. Now I realize that going to a psychologist and eating medicine for depression helped me tremendously. I should have visited them earlier, I had learnt to love and had adapted to pain, in fact seeking it most times. Not any more.
Citalopram did wonders even though I was highly skeptical of it at first, but it did work. Now CBT Cognitive behaviour therapy is doing wonders and am free of drugs. Thanks to David Burns and his book new mood therapy. Still need to be treated for complex -PTSD but at least there is hope .
Anyways my point is PTSD, it's curable and those self hate feelings, those feelings of loving pain as a response to adaptation can be cured, life can get better. I am a living example of that, just therapy CBT and reading and also I would recommend Buddhist philosophy of life specially meditation..
Anyway my healing is going on, best of wishes for you all :mad:.. and yeah bullies are scumbags.
Believe me, when I was free, I thought I would do it (recover) on my own. Thus I studied psychology on my own deeply. Now I realize that going to a psychologist and eating medicine for depression helped me tremendously. I should have visited them earlier, I had learnt to love and had adapted to pain, in fact seeking it most times. Not any more.
Citalopram did wonders even though I was highly skeptical of it at first, but it did work. Now CBT Cognitive behaviour therapy is doing wonders and am free of drugs. Thanks to David Burns and his book new mood therapy. Still need to be treated for complex -PTSD but at least there is hope .
Anyways my point is PTSD, it's curable and those self hate feelings, those feelings of loving pain as a response to adaptation can be cured, life can get better. I am a living example of that, just therapy CBT and reading and also I would recommend Buddhist philosophy of life specially meditation..
Anyway my healing is going on, best of wishes for you all :mad:.. and yeah bullies are scumbags.
