Hello and welcome to the forum. :)
I am sorry you feel so down and hopeless. It wont always be like that I promise! There is so many treatment options out there now, and help if you are ready to ask for it. Do you have some people support you can ask for?
I agree with Eleanor, there are lots of good threads here, from the basic of PTSD to the more complex. Start with the 'sticky' threads. There are at the top of the sub-forums. They are very helpful.There is also book recommendations if that is something you would be interested in that.
Take care of yourself.