hi

[IceQueenClone]

hi

Hi, I am not sure if am allowed on here but really need to seek some advice. My fiance was in the para's.. served for 15 years and suffers from PTSD, I am still working with him to try and get some help from combat stress at the moment also. We have been together for several months and live together with my daughter from a previous relationship. For starters he is a wonderful man and an excellent father and could not ask for better, but the condition is affecting us very badly, he continually goes into very agitated states, can be very insulting, and has an alcohol dependancy that has caused him to develop an ulcer that he has been in hospital for sue to it bursting. We constantly argue and if he cant get his way then he goes off on one. Now I know this sounds bad and know it sounds like I am moaning, but I recognise the above as generally being symptoms of what he has and is not the man himself, but I dont know what I can do to ease things more than I am already doing. I give him space to retreat to our bedroom when he needs to and leave him until he is ready to make peace, I wont tolerate his crap however and will stand up to him as an equal if he pushes the line too far and tell him what a plonker he is being or why he is being unreasonable. I wont dictate to him and do not stop him from going out, but the arguments are getting worse as this time of year he is stressing so much about money, work, the house not being to his standard regardless that he wont do any work in it (womens work I know ;) ) I am just unsure of how to make things easier for him. I give him lots of reassurance, even more when he wants it.. which is most of the time, and I tell him frequently.. verbally and with gestures that I love him regardless if he is being a twit at that particular point.

So.. my introduction is really a question, to those who are on here.. how can I help? What works to reassure or avoid arguments? What is the best way to deal with an argument.. just go quiet or resort to standing up to it? I know things will differ person to person, but the more perspective I have the more I can try and work through this with him and help us all out as a family.

Thanks for listening folks... thought would give a brief background at this point... I have never been services myself, however my grandfather was in the fusileers during WW2, my father was a chef in the navy, my fiance an ex para.. I did go through selection to join the navy when I was 19, however could not combat my phobia of water (yes daft I know!) I now work in domicillary care, previously worked for a charity that supported children from disadvantaged families, and have done everything from taxi driving, chamber maiding, and packing sanitary towels for french women! Was single parent for 8 years, and now happily settled.

Right.. will stop waffling now! Thanks again xxx

 

[anthony]

Hi, carers can seek support at www.ptsdforum.org, not here. This is for veterans only. The other site support civilians and carers.

 

[IceQueenClone]

thank you Generic, will delete account, please delete thread mods xxxx

 

[whips]

i think you can delete mine too, it might have been a bad idea for me to come here looking for help. if i needed to be told to go to the hospital i would ask anyone off the street for their opinion.. what i needed was a friend to talk to so i wouldn't have be alone in this struggle anymore, I realize there aren't any friends for me to have.

 

[Tim Cake]

Malignant -- real friends tell you what you NEED to hear, not necessarily what you WANT to hear...
Stick around -- you will find some common ground with the folks on this board.

 

[Jimmy1]

You have to understand that everyone on here suffers from the beast and if we let negative self talk happen it will drag everyone down and that is not what this site is about. If you need a friend to talk to, you have all of us.

Jimmy

 

[reddevil1111]

I think as long as a vet comes in here and establishes themself and spends a bit of time getting to know us, I know for a fact the unity and care is there. I have gone through personal hell and a lot of good people in here stood up and told me it would be ok and some even helped out in a larger way.
What I guess I am saying is the support is there and will be there for you once you spend a bit in here. Everyone does it at a different rete as well. I would advise small amounts, do a little reading but dont live in here as much as it might seem to be good for you. I know I did and things got worse for me. Now I try to spend 1/2 hr a day and thats it. And I get what I need from here. Good luck and know that you are among friends. :)

 

[Anglesachse]

........... if i needed to be told to go to the hospital i would ask anyone off the street for their opinion.. what i needed was a friend to talk to so i wouldn't have be alone in this struggle anymore, I realize there aren't any friends for me to have.

Well some have been polite, And well, I ain`t known for being polite so I will post what others are thinking and not saying.

You came here while in a shit place, told us about your problems and moaned how crap life was and that you needed help.
You were accepted and were given sound advice, from so very helpful brothers who have been there.

So you decided to come back while sitting in your shit place, and told us about your problems and moaned about how crap your life is and that you needed help.
So you were given sound advice from helpful brothers who have not only been there but also stared in the film.

So you decided to come back while sinking into your shit pit and moaned some more about your problems and how crap life is, and that all the help you were given doesn`t mean shit because it means going to the VA.
So a Brother who has not only been there and stared in the film, but also has the t-shirt to prove it. Mentioned firm and calm that you need serious help and what you need to do.

So you come back and start throwning the shit in which you are sitting in the faces of those trying to help!

What f*cking planet are you on?

You came here knowing you have problems and not willing to change anything to help yourself, And expect from us who are willing to help, to pat you on the back for doing f*ck all and give you the magic pill.

It so ain`t going to f*cking happen.

"Friends" as you refer to them, will give you sound advice and tell you how it is. Likewise a "Friend" will take that advice, look at their lives and change what needs changing.

I can`t say I have seen you taking that advice and even trying to get off your sorry arse and do something about the shit pile in which you are sat.

But you expect us to sit here and listen to your moaning post after post and just let it pass.

Would you be sat there moaning and complaining about the same shit to the guys in your multiple day in day out?
Like hell you would, because they would have took you round the back and panned your head in by now.

All the Brothers here have enough own problems to deal with while still finding the energy to help Brothers who are in a bad way, without wasting our time, effort and energy on people who are only intrested in sucking that energy dry.

So why should we be different?

You want help from us?

Then get your sorry arse down to the VA (and be grateful that they even exist, because some of us don`t even have that), Get yourself a therapist, Get your meds working for you and Start f*cking doing something to help yourself.

And once you have started on that shity bumpy road to recovery, you may well be supprised how many brothers are willing to use that energy to help you further.

In the mean time. F*ck off with your hissy fit, and stop acting like a wanker.

 

[Zipperhead]

Insanity is doing the same thing twice and expecting a differant outcome. But Angel, you know that you can't help someone until they admit they need help. It's sad watching people fall for no reason. But reality says they need to before they can accept that they need help. We can only hope they survive the impact.

 

[JarHed]

If you want 'friends' go to the local pub and buy everyone a round. You'll have more simpathetic ears than you can ask for. Here we're all the same. Nice or not, we tell ya' what ya' need 'cause we've been there and are still there.

It's OK to feel for yourself for a bit, only human. Then it's time to get your gear and report for duty call. That means, doing what you need to do to get on the road to a better life. It ain't easy and it's never gonna' be. But you don't have to do it alone, it's why we're all here. Truth be told you've gotta' do the work and it started yesterday.


And IceQueen, good for you. There isn't a better mate in my book than one that doesn't just love their man when all is good but is there to help when things go to shit. I hope you both find the help you need; you both deserve it.

JarHed

 

[reddevil1111]

Well said all of you. I just dont spend much time in here anymore as my internet use is very limited currently :)
So i missed the previous piety parties. Shame as i could have added a lot more about divorce and homelessness. About not getting to see your kids for almost 5 months now. Shit to think PTSD is the only problem that guy faces. I would trade in a new york minute!