I don't know if I should be here. This might not be the right place. Maybe I just need a nice hot cup of STFU. My background is 22 years Marine Corps Infantry. I saw combat in Iraq, Somalia, and Desert Storm.
A lot of people laugh when I say that you saw combat in Desert Storm. I was a Heavy Machinegunner back then ( 2/2, 6th Mar Regt.). We rode around in Hummers as the point for our battalion, and we basically saw everything and did everything our battalion did for that little exercise. The ROE was "If they aren't holding a white flag, open game." That got a little stupid after awhile and had to be modified at our level. Onto Somalia. Nothing Blackhawk Down worthy, just some stupid guys in Toyota pick ups with machine guns who thought they could take on a BN in the defense. News flash; We won, they lost. Badly. After that comes Iraq. I feel very happy to be able to say that I never lost one of my boys in battle. We never hit hit an IED, and we never found a firefight where we were outgunned. Some were wounded, but I brought everyone home that I brought out there. I was the the Plt Sgt, and that was my job. I feel like I did it well. I retired ungloriously after a couple of bullshit assignments in 2007.
Fast forward to 2011. I live in the middle of nowhere with my wife. No children, because I don't feel the future is worth living. I never filed with the VA because they are assholes and I don't like talking to assholes. I have a few solid cases with them, but I don't need the cash. My wife always accused me of being a future wearer of funny hats and red sportcoats (VFW or Marine Corps League, take your pick.), but I can't get myself to go near anyone who was in the military. I cannot bear the idea of being around people. People who know me thank me for being a Veteran, and I don't know what to say. You're welcome? No, you are not. Combat sucks and I have had my fill. You go next time old lady. I'm bitter. I am friendless. I am 45 and death seems like something I missed out on. I hate being around humans and snap at my wife whenever she looks at me funny. She is the one person I still talk to. She keep's telling me that she is not the enemy and I tell her to quit being on the side of the enemy. What enemy? f*ck, I did it again! She was not one of those people who bothered me, but she didn't want me to kill them, but I did. There is a line. I always find myself on one side, and the rest of the world on the other. At least my dog agrees with me. She wants to kill everyone. I feel closest to her. Me and my dog against the world, as long as she she quits peeing in the house. She's old, but I can't play favorites.
So here I am. Alone and drunk. As usual. Yes I drink,but I am not an alcoholic. I quit once for a few days and it only affected my sleep. I couldn't shut off my head. Americans are dying over there, and I am not over there to stop it. I am superman and I can do anything.
Before you welcome me to your forum know that I am an asshole. I think 50% of the people who claim to have PTSD are full of shit. Maybe Mommy didn't hug you enough or Daddy hugged you too much, or maybe you joined and the world didn't turn out to be full of puppy dog giggles and unicorn pee. people are upset and somebody owes them something. Maybe I belong to that last group. I never lost a leg or my best friend. Everyone I whacked never had a fair chance. I am physically relatively in one piece. What am I doing here? I am someone who saw in the newspaper that veterans eat free at Applebees today and I could not go there because I was afraid that I might get in a fight, or there might be too many people around me, or...
A lot of people laugh when I say that you saw combat in Desert Storm. I was a Heavy Machinegunner back then ( 2/2, 6th Mar Regt.). We rode around in Hummers as the point for our battalion, and we basically saw everything and did everything our battalion did for that little exercise. The ROE was "If they aren't holding a white flag, open game." That got a little stupid after awhile and had to be modified at our level. Onto Somalia. Nothing Blackhawk Down worthy, just some stupid guys in Toyota pick ups with machine guns who thought they could take on a BN in the defense. News flash; We won, they lost. Badly. After that comes Iraq. I feel very happy to be able to say that I never lost one of my boys in battle. We never hit hit an IED, and we never found a firefight where we were outgunned. Some were wounded, but I brought everyone home that I brought out there. I was the the Plt Sgt, and that was my job. I feel like I did it well. I retired ungloriously after a couple of bullshit assignments in 2007.
Fast forward to 2011. I live in the middle of nowhere with my wife. No children, because I don't feel the future is worth living. I never filed with the VA because they are assholes and I don't like talking to assholes. I have a few solid cases with them, but I don't need the cash. My wife always accused me of being a future wearer of funny hats and red sportcoats (VFW or Marine Corps League, take your pick.), but I can't get myself to go near anyone who was in the military. I cannot bear the idea of being around people. People who know me thank me for being a Veteran, and I don't know what to say. You're welcome? No, you are not. Combat sucks and I have had my fill. You go next time old lady. I'm bitter. I am friendless. I am 45 and death seems like something I missed out on. I hate being around humans and snap at my wife whenever she looks at me funny. She is the one person I still talk to. She keep's telling me that she is not the enemy and I tell her to quit being on the side of the enemy. What enemy? f*ck, I did it again! She was not one of those people who bothered me, but she didn't want me to kill them, but I did. There is a line. I always find myself on one side, and the rest of the world on the other. At least my dog agrees with me. She wants to kill everyone. I feel closest to her. Me and my dog against the world, as long as she she quits peeing in the house. She's old, but I can't play favorites.
So here I am. Alone and drunk. As usual. Yes I drink,but I am not an alcoholic. I quit once for a few days and it only affected my sleep. I couldn't shut off my head. Americans are dying over there, and I am not over there to stop it. I am superman and I can do anything.
Before you welcome me to your forum know that I am an asshole. I think 50% of the people who claim to have PTSD are full of shit. Maybe Mommy didn't hug you enough or Daddy hugged you too much, or maybe you joined and the world didn't turn out to be full of puppy dog giggles and unicorn pee. people are upset and somebody owes them something. Maybe I belong to that last group. I never lost a leg or my best friend. Everyone I whacked never had a fair chance. I am physically relatively in one piece. What am I doing here? I am someone who saw in the newspaper that veterans eat free at Applebees today and I could not go there because I was afraid that I might get in a fight, or there might be too many people around me, or...
