General His health, my anxiety

[Mytime]

Roller derby, that would be a great way to relieve stress. I would just want to be on your team :)

 

[Pippi427]

Roller derby, that would be a great way to relieve stress. I would just want to be on your team :)[/QUO...

Aww man, I have the BEST team. I highly recommend a group of strong women for support outside one's relationship...if you are a girl that is.

 

[Mytime]

Lol, yep I’m a girl :)

 

[katz]

I'm so glad that I found this thread.
My husband is physically bad off. He has multiple disk problems in his back. He is not able to work. I have problems even getting him to help around the house. I have come home from a 10 hour day only to find that he has not even run the dishwasher. When I married him, he was working full time and his cheerful self. Now, all he does is complain how bad he feels and tells me that I need to do more around the house. He is angry, since he is so sore--but he takes it out on me.

I have been working 10 hour days for the past 20+ years. Now, I have physical problems from a fall last winter. I went down in the back parking lot, on new concrete. I went to the emergency and had hit my upper back, neck and had a concussion. I'm still trying to get treatment for the pain. All while working 10 hour days, and now, running a household. I know that it was supposed to be "for better or for worse"...but it sure gets difficult some times. I often want to just sit and cry. But, I can't find the time. I need to work on myself and my terrible past. But, I can't escape the present.

And just think...I'm the one with the PTSD.
Thanks for listening.

 

[Pippi427]

Girl I get you on the wanting to just sit and cry but not finding the time. I finally did break down and cry again Monday after L and I had a discussion about who to notify if he dies during surgery. Do you have any support at home like another family member or a neighbor to talk to? When you are overwhelmed, it's ok, to work on things a small piece at a time. One thing that really helped me was a women's support group. And a concussion is no joke! I've had those before from sports. Are you needing surgery for your injury?

 

[Pippi427]

Having a hard time of it today. L's mom has pretty much taken over which was much needed but now I'm starting to feel like I don't matter. I also haven't had a day off in 2 weeks from work. I'm feeling pretty run down. I'm on call for work for the next week, so I'm praying things will stay calm at work at least. I need a break. I'm also lamenting how well we were getting on before this happened and that's wearing me down more.

 

[Pippi427]

Doing better this week! I caught up on my sleep and finally got a day off after 15 days. L has finally had three days in a row of good news. No surgery needed on the leg and three job interviews and his mom is still helping. It's nice to see him be his happy self again. Family, love, and self care are so important for these guys and ourselves.

 

[Never_falter2]

Could you hire a help @katz?

 

[katz]

Girl I get you on the wanting to just sit and cry but not finding the time. I finally did break down...

I have been X-rayed, MRI, electrical shock, poked by needles, physical therapy, did I miss any? All they tell me is that I'm getting older. I never knew that just one fall can "age you". Hmmm.

My family is no help. No one wants too "be there for me". I tried finding a T. But I can't find one that I can afford. I went to a clinic where they base the price on your income, they think I'm a millionaire. So, I just go on. Like I always have. And just accept that this is life.

 

[Pippi427]

L is doing a lot better...so much better that his mom left last night after staying with him for a month. He promised to text me after she left last night, as I had unknowingly interrupted their goodbyes at the airport with my call. I waited until 11pm before I sent him the message I was going to bed and we could chat later.

I'm honestly miffed at him right now. We haven't been able to spend time together for a month and he drops the ball. My first thought is he was exhausted and fell asleep. (He's been struggling since July 4th to get a night's sleep.) I feel like it wouldn't be that hard to say, I am exhausted, but I will catch up with you tomorrow.

Am I being unreasonable? I feel like I allow him so much patience and compassion that he should at least do what he says he will.

 

[Sweetpea76]

People have been shooting off fireworks for a week, he just had to navigate a crowd at an airport, and his caretaker left.

Stress.

I'd let it go. I know it sucks, and people should keep their word. If he says he'll text you, he should text. HOWEVER there are some things you have to make accommodations for when your partner has a disorder. When he has a stress reaction, sometimes he's gonna shut down. That's PTSD. He probably did go home and crash, but not because he was tired. Probably because he was in overflow.

Instead of getting upset he didn't text you back ASAP, adjust your idea of ASAP. Give him a little time to recover. If after a day or two, he still doesn't respond to you, then get miffed.

In my opinion this isn't like a bad coping method (think drinking, lashing out, abuse, promiscuity, etc.)... instead it's almost like hitting the end of the rope and just trying to hang on. Shut down to keep from breaking down. I have a pretty low bullshit tolerance level with my vet, and I'd let something like this slide.

 

[Pippi427]

Thank you. This is why I come here for support and thoughts instead of reacting on him.