• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Honestly - Are Repressed Memories Better Left Repressed?

Status
Not open for further replies.
I am so torn - there is a long period of my teenage years that I don't remember. On one hand I really want to know, it could help explain why I am the way I am now. On the other hand - it's also scary.
 
Honestly - Are repressed memories better left repressed? A resounding NO from me! :)

When I didn't know:
  1. I cried every time it rained, and I couldn't figure out why.
  2. I cried when I met concerned, loving dads; and I believed that my dad was like that; but for some reason, I hadn't responded properly... so I cried because I missed out on the bond that the loving dad would describe.
  3. I waited for understanding; maturity, and it never came because I couldn't learn from the experiences that I didn't remember. I needed to learn from those experiences since my friends and family were all part of the traumas, at least in the sense that they all triggered me constantly.
  4. I knew that I didn't want to be like my mom, but I didn't know what was wrong with her... and I understood her frustration better than I understood how to view the world from a confident, relaxed, trusting position.
  5. I thought my family wanted to love and respect me, and the problem was that I kept giving them reasons not to love and respect me.
  6. I couldn't say "I wish I knew then, what I know now." - Yes, there is some negative to this statement because of the obvious regret implied... but, the powerlessness that I felt when a high school lab partner said the week before graduation, "Don't you wish you could go back and do it all over again, knowing what you know now?" and the thought sent me into a panic... "What do I know now!?!?" and "NO! I never want to relive childhood! I couldn't have done it better! I'm still powerless!"
 
I have alot of blanks, and I do not get any fragments. I take this as I am still not strong enough to face and deal with the horror and terror of what I have repressed. I am hoping that the emdr will not unearth everything at once. I am hoping. I am going to have it for a short time and work on the memories I do have.

I hear you piratelady, it is scary. But we have already gone through it. It is the reliving that I do not want to do. I think repressed memories that stay repressed are that way for a reason. I do not believe in digging them out and doing violence to me in my mind, heart, and being. I know this is controversial, but I do not get fragments.

I do not think I am strong enough yet to deal and face these things. I have alot going on in my life where I have to function as a caregiver. I can't afford to fall apart and I hope I never do.
 
Repressed memories are like cancer....left unaddressed they will eventually destroy you.

I agree with those who say don't force them, but I also say don't fight them. It sounds like deep down you recognize this already. Those memories can be like actually reliving the event. I've been terrified, depressed, etc etc dealing with them. But...coming out on the other side of them is unimaginable relief and healing.

Hugs to you as you face truth...you are brave and capable!
 
I am so torn - there is a long period of my teenage years that I don't remember. On one hand I really want to know, it could help explain why I am the way I am now. On the other hand - it's also scary.
Piratelady....You are so right...whatever happened to you is shaping who you are now. Facing it will help you become the person you want to be. Be brave...hold your head up high because what happened to you wasn't your fault.
 
I don't want to remember and I pray I never do. My therapist says at this point in my life I am too "fragile" to even think about trying to bring out the memories form the past. A couple of years ago I suffered flashbacks and they cause all kinds of mental and health issues. I just want to keep pushing things under the rug and living as normal a life as I can.

I think I am afraid that once the memories return they will never leave me alone.

This comment made me so sad when I read it. It's not my intent to hurt your feelings, but I have to say I totally disagree with your therapist. Being fragile might become a permanent escape for you, but it won't allow you to recover. My flashbacks caused all kinds of mental and physical health problems, too. But, in the end, I got better because I dealt with it -I processed those flashbacks and got on the other side of them. I hope you will force yourself to face the monsters so you can slay them.
 
The way it was explained to me is that we are not going to remember everything. If abuse is a every day occuance it will be normalized and it is like we eat every day, but we are not going to remember what we ate. I hope this makes sense, If abuse happened every day then we are not going to remember it.

I think what we do remember is what I like to call branding experiences where the horror and terror are so great they changed out lives. Personally I do not need to know everything that happened to me. I know the basics and I deal with them. I have done alot of work on myself and still have repressed memories.

I am a caregiver and cannot afford to fall apart. I must be very strong. I have good days and bad days. But most of the days are good. I do not have nightmares, although I had them for years. I have put to bed many things that were torturting and tormenting me. I have dealt with so much. I am in a much better place now.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top