Hopelessness, Anger, Ideation: The Complete Package

[WillyKat]

I realized yesterday that whenever I get hopeless, I also get angry and have suicidal intrusions. And vice versa too; if I get triggered or get angry, pretty soon I get hopeless and then come the intrusions.

Does this happen to anyone else?

 

[DharmaGirl]

Yep, happening right now. No solutions though, sorry.

 

[GreenFrog2]

Yeah, me too. The more hopeless and overwhelmed I feel the angrier I get. Then the horror monsters try to come out to play.

Meditation can help me a bit, and I try to stop the really bad thoughts from happening - see them coming and don't let them arrive - if that makes any sense?

 

[winterose]

I have tried to hang onto some hope, even asked for some to get me through this, the silence in itself has triggered of being left alone in so much pain as a kid. At this point I lost my resolve. Hanging by a thread and somethings are way too vulnerable to take risks with. It all comes back to how I am going to handle things anyway.

 

[WillyKat]

I try to stop the really bad thoughts from happening - see them coming and don't let them arrive - if that makes any sense?

It makes sense. I'm just not so good at doing it. Actually, I can't do it yet.

 

[therapybankrupt]

WillyKat

I have learned that the suicidal ideation is a coping mechanism for me. Things get tough my brain comes up with a way out or several ways out. It makes me somehow feel I am not trapped. The longer I have accepted this ideation as coping the less it happens. Strange isn't it?

TB

 

[GreenFrog2]

suicidal ideation is a coping mechanism for me. Things get tough my brain comes up with a way out or several ways out

TB: do you mean that the SI is like a pressure valve? That when we can't cope with all of our thoughts etc... out brain lets the SI thoughts to develop and happen, a bit like disassociation?

I am asking as since I had my first SI episode I have done everything that I can to suppress these types of thinking - as I am terrified that I will act on them.

Having read your post I am wondering if letting them happen could be a good thing? I must say that I am very apprehensive of this as I suspect that it might be totally dangerous?

Would you be able to explain a bit more about what you mean to help me think about this???

Many thanks, GF.

 

[WillyKat]

I have learned that the suicidal ideation is a coping mechanism for me. Things get tough my brain comes up with a way out or several ways out. It makes me somehow feel I am not trapped.

That makes perfect sense. That's exactly how I feel; that there's a way out.

I told my former therapist about that, sort of; I told her that ideation was often comforting. Another option.

 

[therapybankrupt]

Would you be able to explain a bit more about what you mean to help me think about this???

I will try Greenfrog.

I realized all my brain wanted was a way out of the pain for me. At that moment I guess your explanation of thinking it was a pressure sort of valve. A automatic response for my brain wanting a solution to the hopeless is correct. I then would always remind my self of this when it happened. It took time but the rumination is less and reminds me to find tools to use or reach out for help.

Yes when I am at my worst my brain still goes to the thought but not the constant ideation. Now I have the understanding of why. It makes it easier to manage. It is brief.

I have to also remind myself of that cup theory. We all begin with so much anxiety every day it does not take much to become overwhelmed. Do not ignore the feeling try a little analysis on what is going on with you and your life. Take time out for you at this point. Its the alarm to tell you to do something different. All of this of course my opinion and what has worked for me.

Changing the way you think about it is key. Embrace the warning do not follow through!

Best wishes on your journey
TB