Hoping Someone is There - Feeling Low

[jdoyle33]

I introduced myself last week and wasn't relly sure where to go from there .
I am feeling really low . My panic is at a pretty high status . I just discovered my Husband is cheating on me again . I took a Xanax and am trying to calm down I just can't . I just went through this 2 years ago .
How do your spouses cope with your Ptsd ? mine seems to bail on me every time I need him . Just need someone to talk to.
Paula

 

[Grama-Herc]

Paula. I do not have a spouse anymore---Let him go in 1976--but I do know how you feel. I was diagnosised in 1997 with my PTSD, so the 2 circustances for me are not related. I do however, get severe panic attacks and have learned to live with and deal with them. I was told that breathing--deep breathing from the diafram--really concentratig on that helps, and it does. I also allow the attack to run it's course without fighting it and that really helps a lot. Any time you want to talk or vent or whine or cry or what ever you do, let me know. I know what it is like to have no one there. Hang in there HERCULES

 

[CHARNELLE2]

First off, you need to leave your husband because he's the main source of your PTSD. Having you all stressed out and everything. Then you need to get some counselling by someone you trust. Before you go thinking I'm being mean, I'm not because I'm having a PTSD moment right now myself, not only from the abusive relationship I had but after him I had a man use the hell out of me and sleep with other girls WHEN HE KNEW ABOUT THE ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP ahead of time. Believe me, I know its hard as hell but you have to do what's right for you and your health.

 

[Kathy]

I am terribly sorry your husband is cheating on you Paula. I know the pain of that as my husband cheated on me many years ago. I am not a PTSD sufferer though; I am a carer. We were separated for a time, then reconciled. However both of us needed to work diligently upon ourselves in order for the marriage to work, and it was not easy. Please do not put up with his cheating, especially since it the second time he has done so. Take care of yourself, you need to consider your own happiness.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Paula,

I think that we all give someone the benefit of the doubt, the second chance, and one more try for the sake of the kids, or whatever....But man 2 times is hard to swallow.

I would say that it's time for you. Time to figure out what you really are willing to put up with. Time to maybe think things over, and come to some sort of decision about your future.....

 

[jdoyle33]

Thank you all for the comments . I took a couple of Baby steps today . I do not have any family they are all gone . Do not really have friends . I called a shelter and the person I need to talk to did not return my call as of yet.

I have no money , Transmission just went out in my car and I couldn't afford that . I cannot go without help from some source . I cannot stay it is to painful here and I cannot afford to live here on my part time income . I do believe I can support myself . The accomodations may not be great . But Ya gotta start somewhere

Why is it so hard to reach out for support , To ask others to be there is that the life I have built for myself or is it a PTSD symptom ?
Paula

 

[Deleted member 541]

It could be a combination of both, but the important thing is that you asked for help. I hope that they called you back, if not please don't give up, call again....

 

[Marine0311]

Before you leave him.... May I suggest a little revenge!!! It involves Poison Ivy and his Laundry....... Dry Cycle itchy if ya get my drift!!!!!

Saw it in a movie once! Funny!!!!!

 

[Grama-Herc]

While the steps you are about to take will probably be the most difficult of your life please believe me when I say that IT WILL BE WORTH IT AND YOU WILL SURVIVE. I DID!!! and lot of other women in this forum have too. There are stories everywhere about women leaving, struggling, etc. But girl, go for it and follow through. While none of us here in the forum can be there with you to help, please know that we are with you in spirit and here to listen. The time has come to make a major decision---the pain you are in or the relief of being safe and happy and secure. Keep us posted HERC

 

[namvet7538]

Dear Paula,
I have suffered from severe PTSD for many years and still don't have complete control over it and never will. It is admirable that you have stayed in a bad relationship I suppose to save your marriage. At this point you are at a crossroads will you stay and be miserable or will you suffer a few months (time heals all) and go on with a new life. Making a decision and sticking to it empowers you and will give some relief. Waiting around for someone that can't control their own life and might leave you for someone else anyhow will only make you the victim. Letting this happen will make your present situation seems easy. If and when you read this, go to a mirror and look at yourself. Then repeat these words " I would rather be by alone, than wish I were". The only person you can change in this life is you. Hang tough, Tell him it's over and stick to it, get through the next few months and in the years to come you will look back and thank yourself.

 

[Grama-Herc]

Those of us who are eagerly telling you to go for it---leave your current situation--run for your life are sitting in our safe zones with some kind of control of our life. While what you are about to do is easier said than done, we know how you feel and understand to panic and fear you are going through. BUT! You do need to do what is right for you and not just make this life changing move "cuz" we think it is a good idea. You are between a rock and a hard place. It is a place most of us have been in before at least once in our life. If there is a higher power in your life, put this matter into his hands and it WILL work out for you. Keep up those baby steps. They will lead you away from the hell you are in. My prayers go with you HERC

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

My prayers are with you also! If you can't afford to leave him now, start making plans. YOU DESERVE BETTER!!! It is my belief that 'once a cheater, always a cheater'!

It is extremely possible to find caring and loving friends who can and will become what I call 'my family of friends'. Sometime relatives aren't supportive because they can't or because they aren't there. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! We are ALL here due to trauma, and though we each have our own story, emotional pain and suffering are our common threads that bind us together.

I agree with Grama-Herc...if you have a Higher Power...reach out to Him...and He will meet you where you are. He doesn't speak in a LOUD voice, but from a voice deep within you when you choose to reach out to Him.

Many church communities have counseling groups that deal with exactly what you are dealing with. It is worth a try, and you can't lose!

Again....YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!

Blessings of peace & courage sent your way!!