Lostnrunning
New Here
Hi
New to this forum and looking for some feedback regarding a situation
This is a tragic love story many will say was doomed from the word go...
I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and neglect but I’ve managed to pull through somewhat intact basically through avoidance
I reconnected with a man I knew in my youth, over the course of 5 weeks (yeah I know..) we fell in love through non stop texting and talking on the phone for hours.
The odds were already stacked but it gets worse.
He is also a victim of sexual abuse by a male and has PTSD
He reassured me he was well and coping
A few weeks ago after an incredible lead up we met in person
He has a lot of insecurities but there was something else like emotional stonewalling I couldn’t put my finger on
To just ramp the stress up even more there was a traffic accident that made him an hour late and then no word of a lie he gets a flat tyre on the way to lunch and of all days his scoatica is really bad and he can barely walk.
He has to call RACQ because of his back because he can’t change the tyre. I just tried to be calm but I could read the stress on his face
He was like this from the first hug
I’ve not had a lot of experience with men but it made me really uneasy.
He seemed very dead inside
To confuse me more he was very, very physical with me. He was literally all over me.
Because of my history I’m naturally very wary of men especially being alone with them
He had asked to get changed st mine and I made an excuse and also text him I wouldmeet him out the front of my house.
After our date he drove me home at about 10 pm
Because of the physical contact I was nervous and told him he couldn’t come in, I lied and said I hadn’t cleaned
He insisted on walking me to the door where he got really physical
I love this man and I had confided in him I haven’t been intimate with a man for 23 uears
I also told him I had cried last time I had tried and the man involved had become furious
As you can no doubt guess he went too far and I started crying
He stopped put his arms around me and held me and then left
He called me on his drive home but didn’t make a lot of sense he sounded really scared
Next day for the first time in 6 weeks there’s no ‘good morning’ text from him..
He later texts me he’s in really bad pain and is taking painkillers and didn’t sleep till 3.30 am
At my end I’m a nervous wreck, I’m blaming myself
Next day once again the communication is really off
He finally calls me and says he can’t do this, he’s crying
I’m absolutely heartbroken but start comforting him..
He then texts me sorry lots of times and I text I am going to gracefully bow out of his life
He then texts please don’t go, he has “ a love” for me but atm all he can offer me is friendship with future fun dates, initially I accept this and text we will be better this way
I was in a state of total confusion.
I felt naturally rejected, relief ,anger and total disbelief
In the morning I text him not to contact me again and that I wish him all the love and luck in the world.
He stops contact
2 days later he infriends me on facebook
I have a complete meltdown
He won’t speak to me but we text back and forth
I feel disrespected he won’t talk to me, this is a man who told me he was in love with me daily
He texts that since our date all his old demons are haunting him and he can’t cope.
I’m angry because if he hadn’t pushed me too far we would be alright
This goes on for days he keeps saying he can’t talk
He then says he can’t be in love with me anymore but that he will call
I write a whole lot of stuff I regret
I eventually get the call and he is brutal
So so cold and there is this sarcasm
I can’t consolidate that this is the same person
He says we can be friends but warns it will be painful for me
He says there is NO chance of anything between us in the future because when I cried it bought back all his old issues and he can’t risk that happening again ever. Last time he lost his job and home
He said he saw himself in the third person
He said he is completely numb
I’ve text him couple times since, the last time I did he ignored me so so tried to call couple times still no answer
It’s been a month now of no contact at all either way
I still love him
I know I’ve handled this badly but before you judge me harshly please remember I’m broken as well
Do men with ptsd ever change their minds after something goes this wrong and try to resume the relationship??
Any feedback would be gratefull appreciated
New to this forum and looking for some feedback regarding a situation
This is a tragic love story many will say was doomed from the word go...
I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and neglect but I’ve managed to pull through somewhat intact basically through avoidance
I reconnected with a man I knew in my youth, over the course of 5 weeks (yeah I know..) we fell in love through non stop texting and talking on the phone for hours.
The odds were already stacked but it gets worse.
He is also a victim of sexual abuse by a male and has PTSD
He reassured me he was well and coping
A few weeks ago after an incredible lead up we met in person
He has a lot of insecurities but there was something else like emotional stonewalling I couldn’t put my finger on
To just ramp the stress up even more there was a traffic accident that made him an hour late and then no word of a lie he gets a flat tyre on the way to lunch and of all days his scoatica is really bad and he can barely walk.
He has to call RACQ because of his back because he can’t change the tyre. I just tried to be calm but I could read the stress on his face
He was like this from the first hug
I’ve not had a lot of experience with men but it made me really uneasy.
He seemed very dead inside
To confuse me more he was very, very physical with me. He was literally all over me.
Because of my history I’m naturally very wary of men especially being alone with them
He had asked to get changed st mine and I made an excuse and also text him I wouldmeet him out the front of my house.
After our date he drove me home at about 10 pm
Because of the physical contact I was nervous and told him he couldn’t come in, I lied and said I hadn’t cleaned
He insisted on walking me to the door where he got really physical
I love this man and I had confided in him I haven’t been intimate with a man for 23 uears
I also told him I had cried last time I had tried and the man involved had become furious
As you can no doubt guess he went too far and I started crying
He stopped put his arms around me and held me and then left
He called me on his drive home but didn’t make a lot of sense he sounded really scared
Next day for the first time in 6 weeks there’s no ‘good morning’ text from him..
He later texts me he’s in really bad pain and is taking painkillers and didn’t sleep till 3.30 am
At my end I’m a nervous wreck, I’m blaming myself
Next day once again the communication is really off
He finally calls me and says he can’t do this, he’s crying
I’m absolutely heartbroken but start comforting him..
He then texts me sorry lots of times and I text I am going to gracefully bow out of his life
He then texts please don’t go, he has “ a love” for me but atm all he can offer me is friendship with future fun dates, initially I accept this and text we will be better this way
I was in a state of total confusion.
I felt naturally rejected, relief ,anger and total disbelief
In the morning I text him not to contact me again and that I wish him all the love and luck in the world.
He stops contact
2 days later he infriends me on facebook
I have a complete meltdown
He won’t speak to me but we text back and forth
I feel disrespected he won’t talk to me, this is a man who told me he was in love with me daily
He texts that since our date all his old demons are haunting him and he can’t cope.
I’m angry because if he hadn’t pushed me too far we would be alright
This goes on for days he keeps saying he can’t talk
He then says he can’t be in love with me anymore but that he will call
I write a whole lot of stuff I regret
I eventually get the call and he is brutal
So so cold and there is this sarcasm
I can’t consolidate that this is the same person
He says we can be friends but warns it will be painful for me
He says there is NO chance of anything between us in the future because when I cried it bought back all his old issues and he can’t risk that happening again ever. Last time he lost his job and home
He said he saw himself in the third person
He said he is completely numb
I’ve text him couple times since, the last time I did he ignored me so so tried to call couple times still no answer
It’s been a month now of no contact at all either way
I still love him
I know I’ve handled this badly but before you judge me harshly please remember I’m broken as well
Do men with ptsd ever change their minds after something goes this wrong and try to resume the relationship??
Any feedback would be gratefull appreciated
