Horizontal Workplace Violence And Bullying

[Hashi]

wow this thread is interesting and is a real eye opener, workplace violence? how sick, it seems that the professions that are considered to be 'caring' e.g. nursing, the police force, teaching - are the worst for workplace bullying

Exactly. I work for a charity and the sector apparently has a high incidence of bullying. Strangely, though, I haven't experienced it in a charity before. I've seen it endlessly in the public sector, and I think a contributing factor is the general way the public sector is run.

 

[Hashi]

Wow. Thank you all SO MUCH for your thoughts, support and insights. This is really helpful.

I haven't been back to this thread for a little while because of a lot going on with healing and therapy, but I'm very glad I came back today.

PTSD Sufferer, those links are great and really helpful. I was especially interested in the TUC one today. I came back here - even though I'd rather be working on healing - because of a classic "discussion" with my manager today. I don't want to give away any identifying information but suffice to say that after a lot of aggressive, accusative nonsense he yelled at me to shut up. Hmmm. Time for a chat with the union, methinks. I joined one a few months ago because of the situation and now I'm very glad. I'll listen to their advice about next steps, and I've been tying the advice on your links into that.

I'd also add a link to the Acas guidance [DLMURL]http://www.acas.gov.uk/CHttpHandler.ashx?id=1043&p=0[/DLMURL]
For those in the UK - Acas guidance is like the Highway Code. It isn't the law, but if something happens and you (or your employer) wasn't following it, that will go against them severely.

I'm sure my manager is a narcissist and delusional but he's not a psycopath or sociopath. I agree 100% that there's nothing that can be done with such people and getting out of their range is the only option, and also the only way to "get" to them. I also agree that in some situations staying and trying to tackle things can be extremely damaging and the best thing to do is get well away. I've been in this type of situation in the past, I recognise it and I feel for anyone else who's been through it.

I'm in a different sort of situation. Again, don't want to identify myself but I'm in an unusually strong situation and the team is an unusually strong one too. I'm able to make sure we have lots of communication, misunderstandings can't fester, everyone keeps talking to each other and supporting each other. My manager is actively looking for other jobs anyway. Unfortunately, he's so rubbish it's hard for him to get one, but I have a lot of reasons not to leave my job and I'm willing to sit it out until he goes and good riddance.

The hardest thing for me is that my manager reinvents what happened and believes it himself. I don't know the medical term and presumably he doesn't have a diagnosis, but he thinks about things endlessly in his head, and he doesn't seem to be able to distinguish between things he's thought about doing/things he's rethought and what he actually said or did. I can document things, but he disagrees with the documentation. I'm going to ask my union rep about this.

I want to repeat that there are situations where toughing it out is definitely not the thing and then the only helpful approach is getting away. In my case, it's really tedious and exhausting dealing with him but it isn't traumatising me and I'm not going to let the little toe rag bank his vast salary and get away with acting abusively to me or anyone else.

 

[maddog]

And more power to you Hashi. Sounds like you're making the very best of a really ugly situation. You are the only one who can make a judgment as to whether it's better to stay and fight, or take your composure and leave. Sounds like you're making the right one for you. I try hard to believe that people like your manager get what's coming to them. I know that's not always true, but if it helps me to feel vindicated, even for just a second, then it's worth the effort.

Take it easy, and remember lots of gentle soothing "you" stuff to help balance out the toxins lurking in your workplace.

Maddog

 

[Hashi]

Thank you Maddog, and thanks again to other people who've posted here. I spoke to my union rep and it was very helpful. If anything happens again, they can write a letter to him - this is an official warning before any formal proceedings, I didn't even know they could do that.

But actually, it seems that someone senior to him has had words with my boss - this is surprising but I'm not complaining! - and he came back and tried to actually address the workoad issues I'd raised without blaming me or shouting at me. How amazing, to have him actually act like a competent/human person...

I feel better, and if he steps out of line I know I can go straight to the union. I won't hesitate to.

Thanks again for all the support.

Hashi

 

[PTSD sufferer]

Hi Hashi,

I am happy to hear that you are getting some more support. I am so glad that you spoke with the union and your team is working together. Also good to know that a more senior person to your boss has had words. This means people are aware of the problem and are supporting you - great news.

You do know that you can raise a grievance against him for yelling and swearing - 'shut up' is technically a sear word. Don't let him slide, keep a record and follow the grievance internal process, but email reports and keep a copy for yourself. The union will appreciate you keeping a record of grievances. Then when you approach the union, if he continues, then they can take more action.

Take care of yourself sweetheart. I am really proud of you taking action! Many don't and you are very brave. I hope that the information has given you some confidence and you find solace in being able to have security remove him is he acts physically violent again.

All my love, PS

 

[maddog]

I 2nd the above comments. Keep strong Hashi, keep vigilant, keep true to yourself and keep those written records of everything that goes on - they can sometimes be your best weapon.

I am thinking of you with extra empathy, I'm currently walking a similar tightrope with my supervisor at work, whose ongoing behaviour has also caused me to have to take some protective/preparatory action in terms of record keeping, seeking formal advice etc. It's a tense time, but you're doing all you can, and you're in the right, so don't let anyone sway you in that knowledge.

Maddog

 

[Hashi]

Oh Maddog, I'm sorry. I'm sure you could really do without that right now. But good for you for following the right steps. Know that you have my support.

PTSD Sufferer, you and this thread are a great help to me - thank you. I'm keeping a record of everything. Luckily he's now avoiding the office, which makes things better for all of us. Long may it last.

Hashi
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