Horribly Sad, Lonely And Disconnected

[alixipain]

I've only been on here a few days, and just am in one of my black moods. Do you ever just feel like there's no spark for life left in you, and you don't know how to keep going? I get hit with this all the time.

I suffer from social anxiety, and really don't have any close friends. I spend my free time alone.

Yup, I might add, its easy for others to trigger me into the abiss as well.
The spark is there one minute gone the next, sometimes I wonder why I prolonged my life? Other times I know why, because I have to prove to others I'm well! Then I get spun by the g/f (which I might add is the only friend I have besides folks online!).

I'm somewhat anti-social, I'm social online, in public I'm not I just deal with people. I put up with them. Because my job requires me to be in the public with strangers. Some tell me, "Your an A**hole!" Theres a reason I am that way! Their not dealing with "William" (me), but with Alix! Online and with friend I'm "Will/William". I just use Alix so people dont whom I am because I dont like for people to know me!

 

[Lucycat]

I'm pretty unsocial too.
I prefer the company of a few select people, or just myself. I feel really uncomfortable with groups or at parties etc. I try to avoid social events, but sometimes have to go along for Rory's sake. He is very sociable and outgoing. He will talk to everybody and anybody. I have always hidden behind him.

However now that I know about CPTSD I at least understand why I am as I am. I feel that I have a ready made excuse and don't have to pretend any more. I don't have to force myself, but I can give myself a gentle push in the right direction when I feel up to it. I suppose I have always felt that I am different, and that people don't like me.

Now I still feel that I am different, but I really don't give a stuff if they don't like me or not.

 

[WonderingWhy]

BL,
I like you!:) It's me I loathe! Sorry feeling a bit sorry/mad at myself!

 

[CarrotHead]

I have a really hard time with my son's activities, but I go. Tae Kwon Do, Soccer and birthday parties are a real trial for me... I always take anti anxiety meds before I go. It's the kids and the adults that bother me. More than that, it is the yelling, screaming and childhood itself I think that bother me.

Some kids are so care free and I think I must be jealous. That and the disciplinarian side of my father says that most kids have no manners or courtesy now a days. I find it infuriating and want to smack their parents.

Of course, there are cultural issues where I live too. But, there aren't many people who can go through a Walmart and not trigger.

So much of this thread is familiar to me, but most of all, I am working on getting well.... FOR MY SON.

 

[alixipain]

there aren't many people who can go through a Walmart and not trigger.

SO TRUE!!! And believe it or NOT they (not Wal-Mart) have a website somewhere that shows pics of what you might see in a Wal-Mart on any given day. The one pic that stays in my mind from it is a black man whos well over the bbm stage in sweat pants with a thong on the outside. :confused::insane:

 

[WonderingWhy]

The one pic that stays in my mind from it is a black man whos well over the bbm stage in sweat pants with a thong on the outside. :confused::insane:

OMG!!!!:scream:

 

[alixipain]

No the OMG moment was this weekend. Ran 235 feet of 1 inch sewer cable into a line behind a toilet in an apartment this weekend (each stick is 15 feet long, one at a time). When the clog was finally freed the apartment owner asked if I'm ok.. 3 hours to get it all in. I had to open his bedroom window pull a chain in through it and tie that to my car to pull it all out 1000 pounds total. Hooked at the end of the cable was a wash rag. The apartment tenant stated.."That's where that went!" He wont be happy when he gets sent the bill.. $85 an hour x 6, $45 x 16 each cable, and the charge for shampooing his apartment.

The worst mental picture I have stuck in my head: went to a service call one day, rang the door bell, behind the door a elderly lady asked "Who is it?" I replied "Plumber." She opened the door I about died. 75 year old ladies have no business wearing spandex!:confused: