How Can I Tell You

[Natim]

How can I tell you I miss the closeness with out making you mad or feel pressured
How can I tell you I love you with out making you mad or feel pressured
How can I tell you you spend all day and into the night on the computer talking to people you may known for some time or some people you don't even know or look up people from long in the past,write poetry, watch videos, give advice, help them with their troubles, listen to music, tell some how you feel, laugh out loud at something you see. But you don't have any time for conversation with me.
You don't tell me whats on your mind, If I ask I am met with a stare and a voice that says I am not thinking anything, Just let me be.
Is it just me because that is the way I feel. All you want from me is silence you say cant you just be.
I've lost my best friend over there in that chair, it's like looking at my loves ghost. Oh I'm so lonely for the ghost in the chair.

 

[Urav]

I'm so lonely for the ghost in the chair.

What a beautiful expression of how so many of us feel.

 

[Pubugog]

Heart-wrenching. I've felt exactly this. So much. Too much.

 

[Rakahu]

I've lost my best friend over there in that chair, it's like looking at my loves ghost. Oh I'm so lonely for the ghost in the chair.

So sorry to hear you are going through that. Your poem really touched me. Is your sufferer seeing a therapist? Have you thought of showing him / her this poem so maybe they could better understand how you're feeling? I had my husband come to a couple of my therapy sessions with me so he could better understand what was going on, it really helped both of us. I hope things change for the better. Hang in there. ((:hug:))

 

[Edole]

NATIM here thanks for the hugs. Sufferer (C-ptsd) not going to therapy, in our 17 years together they have been to emdr after suicidal thoughts and they expressed that to me that helped so thankful they went that was 7 or 8 years ago, never spoke to me of what went on in emdr but that's OK they got the help. They refuse to go to any counseling now even marriage. show them the poem HA, HA they get angry when I tell them how I feel. Seems that any show of emotion is a bad thing. Perhaps they get angry when I express how I feel because they don't want to feel and say cant you just be.

We have had a lot of external stress nothing between us,a long series of big things that have effected us together and individually the last few years which is one of the reasons why they are disconnected. We are polar opposites presently they want to disengage and I want to be close.

They have made a lot of positive changes in this last year, taking better care of themselves getting healthier and some health issues that have plagued them for years. Finally found a MD that addressed the underling problem that other MD's could not address.

Through all of the events that have happened we have not had the time to have much fun in life we both love the outdoors and have been unable to get out for far too long something we both need. So this has added to the stress.
They spend all that time on FB and feel threatened if I ask them to limit their time there and will not agree to me having my own FB account saying they want something of their own not connected to us(I understand wanting and having your own thing we all need that) and it seems that's all they do and have done for some time. (see the first post in this thread). This has been going on for months and in the last two mouths has been really getting to me.

They are not sleeping well either and will stay up late at night on FB, may wake up at night get out of bed then go on FB, wake up in the morning first thing go to FB be on FB all day, evening, they listen to music all day at the same time. Their life is all FB.
I can try to speak to them and during a conversation they turn away and start replying to a post in FB what ever I am saying is lost and I must admit this I get angry at this because it makes me feel so insignificant.

I feel the US has Become lost. I am told I am too serious, and I am I do not want to loose our relationship.

I do see them trying to get out of where they are at, although it is hard to know what is going on when they do not want to communicate and when you try to let them know how you are feeling they get angry, say they want to leave etc. and reduce you to tears leaving you with the feeling they don't care. They have said they feel guilty because of the way I feel. Mixed messages . They have said in the last few days they are trying to figure out who they are and what they want. At the same time I am told nothing of what they are thinking of what they want/need to change.

I am here because I have no one I can talk to about this, cant speak to anyone we know because I want to respect my sufferers privacy and hope they never stumble across this post.


Smother me in this memory

Roaming the forest

The muddy trails go on

A journey to get lost in

To savor

Of what we have found

The release of stored energy

Disengage from what is not necessary

Indispensable relief

Bringing us to the place

Surround us in your depths

The high rocky peaks

Bathed in the rays of the sun

Wondering what’s on the other side

The sky stretches beyond

With nowhere else to go

And nowhere else to be

The river snakes a lazy path

Giving life to all around

The essence of everything it touches

Shadows of the clouds over head

Racing across the ground

The scent of wind across my face

Tall grass meadows sway in patterns

But the breeze leaves no traces

No lasting memory

Of where it’s been

Drink the essence

Let it flow into me

Envelope me in that state of mind

Saturate me with lasting grace

Smother me in this memory

Where ever I may be

To share this life with you

My heart’s desire is overflowing

My soul is at peace

With you safely in my arms

 

[Uli]

My ghost isn't in the chair,..... she is everywhere, ......and with me all the time, .......and we still share, everything that is mine.

 

[Nigol]

This is weird, I just posted that, yet it's not my avatar?

 

[Tora]

This is a thread posted in the anonymous section. All posts are assigned random avatars and names. If you would like to identify yourself you can mention your usual name in the post itself.

 

[Tavohe]

Ah! With you now, many thanks for that, much appreciated.

 

[Zorij]

So even though we suffer with PTSD I feel we don't have the right to take things out on our supporters all the time. :stop:I feel we need to be held accountable for our actions; yes horrible things happened to me but my husband shouldn't have to pay for it as he didn't do those things to me! He's Been wonderful, understanding, and supportive to me through this.:happy: Supporters have the right to set boundaries and we sufferers should honor them. We have no right to walk all over someone we love! Treat others as you want to be treated:tup:. .. you need to do what you feel is right for your situation, but I'll never let anyone walk all over me. :stop:Nor will I walk all over them, marrage needs to be a joint effort of GIVE AND TAKE. ;)

 

[Kari]

The ghost quote above is so fitting...

In my current situation I've been told by family, friends that I need to just move on from him and let go.

I said, it feels like he died. I went to bed one night with this amazing man and I woke up a widow.

They said well yes I can understand the feeling of grieving a death...

I said ok now imagine that pain... Imagine you are standing over the coffin of the one your heart is so desperately grieving for.

Now imagine you can hear them scratching at the coffin to get out. You hear them still alive scratching to get out but you can't open the casket for them; there is nothing you can do to let them out and bring them back to you. Imagine that pain because that is what I feel.

Move on from that... Yeah let that go... assholes.