How Did You Do It? How Did You Get Where You Are?

[Nicolette]

This post probably belongs in both Carers and Sufferers as it is a general question I stumble across over and over in different situations when people are trying to work out how not to enable, how to have healthy relationships, how to heal, how to deal with abusers and so on.

I responded to a post about Dysfunctional Families just before and here in I found my answer to you: (take from it what you will) [DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/how-do-you-respond-when-people-ask-about-your-dysfunctional-family.12781/#post-176465[/DLMURL]

Actually therein lies the answer to many a question asked on this forum "how did you do it?" I can't tell you how but I do know I made every mistake and learned from it so as to not do it again and nor go down the same path. I eliminated what didn't work for me. That is the answer - work out what does work out for you by trying everything out, being honest with yourself and then getting rid of what is pulling or holding you back (people included).

 

[stuff]

Getting rid of what's holding you back is exactly what helped me get here. My main abuser passed away two years ago and I had this huge revelation/sense of relief. My mum was gone, the 8-10 phone calls a day were gone, the backhanded compliments were gone. At first it was terrifying. The day she died I had a very profound moment. I was picking my partner of seven years up for lunch at work as I received the call. I told him I didn't want to be at home to have to sit and think about it or field phone calls. His response was, "well, fine, but would you drop me off at home first?" This did me in. I realized i'd been making excuses for a uncaring and at times scary and abusive partner for far too long. I had one last bully I needed to deal with. I ended the relationship shortly after and started taking care of myself. It's been a long process of getting to know myself, biting the bullet and going to therapy. I'm 80lbs lighter than I used to be and I'm learning more aboutmyself everyday. I really love my life. I have really bad days, and suicidal moments, but I'm grounded and growing. It seems like taking the time to learn how to love myself brought a beautiful flood of amazing people into my life as well. I have real friends who know me and care about me. I work at the things I love and I make no apologies for who I am.