How Do I Apologize And Tell Them I'm Ok?

[Pencil]

I'm a little misty eyed

Ditto. This kind of thread is what makes me love the forum.

@Justmehere, you have to remember that they simply need to know that you, and therefor THEY are okay, i.e. they need to know you're not being attacked, stalked, tortured, reacting to a peeping Tom, etc. Imagine what would go through your head if you heard strange sounds coming from a neighbour - 'Is she torturing her cat?', 'Is she engaging in weird sex?' 'Is she being ....?' As long as they know there is nothing they need to report to the authorities they will be able to relax - and perhaps be able to chill about their own quirks.[DOUBLEPOST=1403248938,1403248873][/DOUBLEPOST]

didlibilities

:roflmao: Oh, I feel better about having a didlibility or two.

 

[Justmehere]

Well, I'm still working trying to catch my other neighbor when she is home...

And I just got an email that my landlady thought about it and still wants me to move out.

 

[desiderata310]

Time to pull out the ADA card.

 

[Justmehere]

I did apologize to another neighbor tonight. It went really well, once again. She was super nice. I wanted to run and hide!

I did it anyhow. The neighbor was really nice, and thanked me for my apology and explaining what was going on and taking steps to mitigate it.

@desiderata310 - I am conflicted about pulling out my rights, but I think I'm more scared about being homeless... I think you are right it's time to pull on my disability (or didlibility ;)) rights.

The fair housing act folks at HUD haven't called back yet but I did call some attorneys who handle landlord-tenant issues. One said that because I was given a lease extension, and signed it, then there is already an implied contractual obligation and lease extension. The second attorney said they were not so sure. Both of them thought it was a crap thing to do, but didn't handle disability rights. They did say that without a disability, I should have been given a chance to correct the problem. Both of them said there are no open housing options where I live, so they could understand my stress. (we are recovering from a natural disaster that destroyed a lot of rentals)

So on Monday I will try to talk to a disability rights attorney. It may be more of a battle than I can do right now...



For now, I'm going to look into any options of another place to rent here or in other cities.

I'm also going to apologize to the last neighbor that I share a wall with. Even though it's likely I'm going to move on, I still want to follow through on this. Maybe that's foolish?

 

[Sally sue]

Foolish? No. It sounds like you're trying to do the "right thing" for you and your neighbors...that's very courageous :). Somewhere back in my ptsd struggles and education I was told that "courage" is being afraid but doing it anyway!

Your landlord, on the other hand, doesn't seem to be handling this situation well at all :(.

Hang tight! I'm sorry you have to go through this on top of the ptsd stuff argh! :depressed:

Sally Sue

 

[Springer80]

Hi, could you mention to the neighbours that despite your apologies which seem to have been taken really receptively, that the landlady still wants you to move out? Would they retract their complaints now they know the context. If they will, they could contact her directly so you don't have to square up to her on it.

I think you need to play this really sensitively. If you 'win' the right to stay but it breaks down relations so much that your remaining becomes stressful and untenable then it's not really what your after either.

1. I would do the apologies like you intended but I would add that your still being asked to leave (because of ptsd/court case). Gauge their reaction.

2. Ask them if they might consider retracting the complaints directly with the landlady asap (give them a schedule like 'end of the week') .

3. If yes, wait...and then contact landlady and say apologies went well and they agreed to complaints being withdrawn.

4. Ask her if this result is therefore good enough to start over on.

5. If she says no, tell her the implications of you having to move. Ptsd is a disability. The added stress of having to move will exacerbate your medical condition. You need to rest and prepare for the court case.

6. If she still says no. Ask her very carefully on what grounds she wants you to leave.

7. Say you appreciate her position (whatever it is) but moving would not be easy for you. (You haven't I imagine broken any conditions of your tenancy agreement. Even with the noise disturbance nobody has contacted the environmental dept, to collect evidence, which is usually required in order to evict someone) and you may not be able to comply with her wishes, or easily as others might, due to your disability. You need time to consider your options. You need support for you court appearance and that network is around your current address.

8. If she still persists (!!), I would mention the disability rights and housing thing. I'd do it as impassively as you can. E.g. Your going to speak with your Therapist/GP/Disability housing and court liaison officer for assistance about your options and you'll get to her. If she doesn't register the possibility that she's breaking the law from that, then it's incredible that she' a landlord.

9. I would then gather the legal points from those contacts and have someone in housing speak for you. Stay away from the main thrust of any debate on the matter. Have the disability housing people objectively point out to her that what she's doing is grounds for action against her. have your therapist and doctor basically explain your condition, the effort you've put into recovery and the limitations of treatment for ' immediate relief of symptoms'.

10. See if she changes her mind. If she doesn't, consider your options. If she does, thank and reassure her.

Like you said she gave you the last lease and you've signed already.

Personally I don't think she has much to stand on but you need to give her room to back down from this gracefully if you want to go forward living there, without it becoming a war of attrition.

 

[Springer80]

By the way and this is really just to get it off my chest...but this really pisses me off. Christ on a bike, can no-one just give ptsd a break??

 

[Justmehere]

I am reading and taking in all the great input. I'm having a difficult time facing all this now... I looked for new rentals and they are not to be found so I will end up homeless until something opens up. Moving to another city makes me feel lost and brings on really dark thoughts. I can't drive so it's particularly a challenge in terms of logistics...

My friend is willing to talk to neighbors with me... My landlady starts showing the apartment on Monday and will likely rent it within hours once she does.

Trying to act fast... I am so ashamed, depressed, and overwhelmed. I don't understand why she would not even allow me a chance to correct the problem.
A
I don't understand humanity. I'm going through freaking chemo to save my eyesight and then the court stuff and now this... everything feels so hopeless.

Taking some deep breaths and trying to gather the courage to keep at it. Thank you so much for the input on what to say and try.

You all help me remember there is good people in the world who understand.

 

[Springer80]

OK, ignore what I said in my last post and go straight for legal representation. Contact your disability housing people asap. She cannot start showing your apartment on Monday. She hasn't even given you notice.

I wouldn't prioritise talking to your neighbours anymore. I get your friend to help you get solid legal and medically substantiated back up. Tell the neighbours, you have to concentrate on this as your being manoeuvred out. But I wouldn't chew the fat with them about it for too long, it doesn't sound like you have the luxury of leisurely chat.

Failing that the local newspaper is increasingly sounding like a good option.[DOUBLEPOST=1403363926,1403363755][/DOUBLEPOST]Your other option is to sack the whole thing off, leave it behind and do the path of least resistance for the sake of your health. You say that there are NO other rentals. Can you live with a friend for 2 months?

 

[desiderata310]

This is so unfair! I'm so sorry @Justmehere

 

[Pencil]

Maybe that's foolish?

No, it's strategic. Should it become a legal issue, it will show that you took steps to make the situation 'easier' - for want of a better word.

I would stay and fight like hell.

 

[Springer80]

Hi JMH, how's it going? Any developments?