How Do I Explain How I Feel

[Double-A]

Terry,
I received some good advice recently on relationships and I'd be happy to pass it on to you. A relationship requires 100%. Now that doesn't mean that you must give 100% all the time. It doesn't even mean you give 50% and she gives 50%. It just means at any given time 100% must be given within the relationship to ensure it is successful. So ask yourself; "What percent did I give today?" It isn't about who gives what and when...it’s about one supporting the other when they need it most. If she has been carrying a lot of the weight here lately (accommodating your stress and anxiety level) then I would say the odds are pretty good she is ready to hear your explanation for your actions. As humans we tend to fear and become frustrated with what we don't know or can’t comprehend. Believe it or not, it is my contention you both suffer from this tendency currently in your relationship. She is frustrated because she doesn't understand what is prompting your actions. And you are fearful because you are unsure of her reactions or perhaps even your own upon divulging your emotions and experiences. In my humble opinion, you’re honestly and openness will fill your percentage quota for days to come and enable her to meet her own for you. Empower your relationship through honesty and be reflective on giving 100%.

 

[Jimmy1]

Terry,
I received some good advice recently on relationships and I'd be happy to pass it on to you. A relationship requires 100%. Now that doesn't mean that you must give 100% all the time. It doesn't even mean you give 50% and she gives 50%. It just means at any given time 100% must be given within the relationship to ensure it is successful. So ask yourself; "What percent did I give today?" It isn't about who gives what and when...it’s about one supporting the other when they need it most. If she has been carrying a lot of the weight here lately (accommodating your stress and anxiety level) then I would say the odds are pretty good she is ready to hear your explanation for your actions. As humans we tend to fear and become frustrated with what we don't know or can’t comprehend. Believe it or not, it is my contention you both suffer from this tendency currently in your relationship. She is frustrated because she doesn't understand what is prompting your actions. And you are fearful because you are unsure of her reactions or perhaps even your own upon divulging your emotions and experiences. In my humble opinion, you’re honestly and openness will fill your percentage quota for days to come and enable her to meet her own for you. Empower your relationship through honesty and be reflective on giving 100%.

Double-A, before an onslaught of comments comes your way, I will ask, 'Who Are You'???

How would you like it if you and a group of your mates were sitting around talking about a personal subject when someone just barged on in and made a comment.

So, it would be a courtesy to make an introduction in the appropriate area, tell us who you served with, what unit, and where you live, country and state wise. It would also be great if you tell us if you have been diagnosed with PTSD.

The reason for all this is that we have so many trolls and wannabes joining as well as Doctors and Students studying PTSD who think the have all the answers.

If you are a veteran with PTSD I will say welcome to forum, if your not, stay away.

 

[terry1]

I was with 2nd bn 4th Marines. I was diagnosed with PTSD and TBI. I'm in the va system. I am not in anymore I live in sc. I have told her some of the things I been through well most of it. She has a idea wut PTSD is.

 

[Jimmy1]

Thank you Terry. Here are some really good links that I think she will get benefit out of, and even you might.

Link Removed

Link Removed

Link Removed

And this video

Link Removed

Hope they help

 

[BaMuoiBa]

Welcome Terry, you've come to the right place, all these lads/ladies know quite well how you feel. Jimmy's list is a good place to start!

Semper Fi!

I think she thinks I'm just being a ass but I don't know how to explain its

The best way to explain it is to understand the "Beast " yourself. I'm sure that the VA gave you some suggestions (and meds as well).

Being "In the system" was only part of the solution for me - utilizing the system was where the rubber met the road. I could have sat back and with the flow (disability/meds) but I thought I deserved MORE! I listened, asked questions and was not afraid to put my hand out and ask for help. There is more help available than you think and it's not part of the system. Good luck! OOH-RA!

Don't allow the system to wear you down to the point you give up on it. Be your own advocate. Look in to Vet Centers in SC.

Ba

 

[Spock]

Terry,
Some online resources that lead to more resources:

http://thestoryofourbeforeandafter.blogspot.com/p/resources.html

 

[JarHed]

Welcome Terry

Semper Fi

JarHed

 

[reddevil1111]

Welcome to the forum Terry.
Semper Fi brother.
Red.

 

[Fargo1]

Welcome brother.

 

[Sludge]

Hey there leatherneck,

A wise man once made up that some wise man once said never take advice from a squid, but here is my suggestions, based on experience:

Significant others are a pain in the ass. If they weren't a pain in our ass, they wouldn't be significant.

A big issue we combat PTSDers have over other PTSD cases, and civilians, is that we all always feel like no one understands us. This is the first roadblock to our ability to communicate. We feel like we only know how to talk to other military folks, and even then we are trained to keep our mouths shut. Frustratingly counterproductive.

So, knowing that, the first thing to do is get your brain organized. Easier said than done right? You just made a huge leap opening up to us. Roll with it. Use us for practice. Read what we have filled this site with. Many of us have been there, done that. All of us are still learning and trying to move forward. What I am getting at is write down how you feel here, to us, in private, and we can help you figure out what is going on in your mellon. Trust the toothless redneck when I say this will help.

Once you are comfortable talking to us, you will be better equipped to talk with your S.O.

Also, keep a notebook, online if you like. Send emails to yourself. Sounds silly, but if you cannot communicate with yourself, how the hell are you gonna communicate with others?

I know this sounds like a bunch of landlubber, neo-hippy bullshit, but it will help you get through this.


As for dealing with S.O.s...well, I am still barely married to a a gal that has her own demons. She likes to use those against me, even though they have nothing to do with me. We damn near split up a while back. We are making it work though, and things are better than they were. One bit of advice I can give you is DO NOT RUSH things. Go easy. Take your time and think things through before you speak. We combat vets have a tendency to want to get shit done and overwith in a hurry. It ain't our fault, they made us this way.

Hard chargers hit hard times....a lot. Ease back and don't worry about worrying. That makes everything else easy as pie.

 

[Spock]

...Also, keep a notebook, online if you like. Send emails to yourself. Sounds silly, but if you cannot communicate with yourself, how the hell are you gonna communicate with others?...Take your time and think things through before you speak. We combat vets have a tendency to want to get shit done and overwith in a hurry. It ain't our fault, they made us this way...

Good stuff Sludge. I write myself too, helps me get the bad juju out before hitting send or talking to someone. Seeing your initial thoughts in writing also helps you see the message might not be as you intended or is poor and not constructive. Most the time, after letting it out and then waiting a day or more, I realize it usually isn't really that big a deal or not worth my time or the negative energy.

 

[terry1]

Thanks you guys r real helpful. I don't like takein meds so I try to stay off of them. I know I should but I don't want to look like a junkie to someone who doesn't understand. my step son is 7 and he wants to b a Marine like me. I love him to death but he knows how to push my buttons when I'm havein a bad day like today. I try to teach him early how the Marines are n bootcamp is like when I was n. I know it wasn't as hard as most of u guys but I'm trying to teach him not to talk back but I forget he is still a child n he still n the I know everything stage. My woman calls me a asshole every time i correct him. So enough with the jibber jabber my question is there anyway from stopping
Myself from being I ass as my fiancé say. She told me today if I don't calm down she will leave me