How Do I Give Myself Permission To Let Go And Rest?

[zeropoint]

Hypervigilance is a big problem of mine. I also cope with hard times by getting into a sort of workaholic phase (as a writer). My sleep has been poor lately because of stress, sleep apnea (I have a sleep study next week), and allergies. But last night I couldn't sleep at all, so now I've been up like 26 hours and counting. (I will also add that I took cough syrup with codeine in it last night, and it's likely that the codeine is somewhat to blame for how wired I am.)

Anyway, this sort of situation comes up pretty frequently for me where I feel like I just have to stay in motion. I can't allow myself to lay things down, let go. Even if I just lie down in silence, I can't turn off the thoughts that push me to go do this or that. Only whatever I do is never enough; I never think, "Okay. That's done. I can rest now and feel proud." I try to say that to myself, but it just never takes.

Has anyone found a strategy for letting yourself at least get some rest, if not sleep, when the hypervigilance and workaholilsm are going strong?

 

[shimmerz]

My body completely collapsed on me, forcing me to learn how to 'take it easy'. During the process of having to be not so busy I had to come to the fact that I was okay and worthwhile, whether I was being productive or not. It was like the 'pleaser' in me on steroids. I still struggle with this.

 

[WildMermaid]

No solution @zeropoint but I have this same issue. If working on anything close to bedtime I cannot relax when I try and sleep and instead stay wired, jittery, and just stare into the darkness for hours. Sometimes if I stop and hour or so before bedtime and read I can soothe my mind enough for some rest. I do hope your sleep study goes well! Is that you in your avi. fire eating? :)

 

[zeropoint]

Thanks! Not me in the pic. :)

I'm trying to work on things that are not so stimulating when I can't sleep. One thing I like to do is just sit in my living room and make collages from magazines like National Geographic. That's soothing, the pictures and articles and cutting out things. But sometimes I"m so wired that it doesn't calm me down much.

I am at the point of sleep deprivation now where I am in such a bad mood from being sleep deprived that I can't sleep. It's a terrible cycle.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I have lowered the bar on myself and I accomplish a more reasonable amount of things each day now. I can now rest guilt free once I have accomplished my small goals for the day. It took me so many years to lighten up on myself and learn how to let go and rest. I am paying more attention to the needs of my body and mind. Some days are better than others. I wish you rest and sleep.

 

[Chava]

Even if I just lie down in silence, I can't turn off the thoughts that push me to go do this or that

You say "just" but this is actually huge to me. Total stillness and silence. UGH. I don't notice the continuing motion so much in my thoughts as in my body (like constant buzzing, fidgeting, discomfort). What helps me some is to actively slow down without stopping....like find a comfortable seated posture for reading, working on strength or movement in a mindful way (like Pilates), using slower music to help me slow down a bit. I simply can't make myself STOP unless I drug myself pretty well.

I ended up with some heart concerns my doctor wasn't totally sure about so I was encouraged to take it very easy for a while. I felt really simultaneously panicked and depressed. It felt like my body was forcing me to stop. That's when I developed chronic pain...and eventually got into therapy for the trauma work which has helped me appreciate what a slow and sneaky process this can be. Whatever you can do to support slowing down without feeling trapped, is good. I don't have a perfect answer because I need sleep meds and still some meds for pain (goal would be that I wouldn't some day).

Probably my best help is finding something to absorb a huge load of my attention, like artwork. I have to work slowly but feel relaxed because I'm super sucked into what I'm doing. It lets me rest somewhat.

 

[joeylittle]

I can't allow myself to lay things down, let go.

I used to drink, and that worked...came along with a whole boatload of problems of its own. I don't recommend it.

I have to give myself about an hour. No screens (computer, TV, etc.) 20 minutes of meditation, then mindfully moving slowly through the night-time things (toothbrushing, etc). Have to really stay present only to the things I'm doing. Final step is saying a good good-night to my animals. And then I lay down and either do a focused breathing pattern (my version of counting sheep) or listen to binaural beats, or do some visualization of something slow.

It takes work. It doesn't always get me to sleep. Sometimes I'm so tired of having to work that hard to get to sleep that I just get resentful and lazy about it, and then sleep quality declines severely.

I'll use the prescription stuff I have if I'm too agitated with mental health symptoms - but don't like using meds for sleep unless it just has to happen no matter what.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

Final step is saying a good good-night to my animals.

@joeylittle Yes, being able to love a being, and say goodnight, to hear her movements and gentle snores. And when I wake and the mind won't shut up, It is her name and us walking on the beach I repeat.

 

[VioletButterfly]

I have the same issue - non-stop brain and dreams/nightmares! I can't seem to settle down enough to be able to fall asleep without the TV, but have tried to turn back to lite reading. Meds haven't worked. Alcohol actually keeps me in a state of anxiety all night so I wouldn't recommend that either. My next step is to try to take one mindful/calming approach at a time and see how far I can get with it. Maybe removing all caffeine from my diet - even the decaf has caffeine, eating more during the day and then drinking a little glass of protein shake (w/o vitamins) in the evening for some amino acids, magnesium and calcium, prayer, the lite reading. I kind of like the idea of a routine like what joeylittle details above. It would seem calming. VB

 

[mamachick]

My body found a stratagy, and I just crashed. Then was unable to motivate or initiate anything. Came to dead halt. When I force myself to do the things I need to do, it only lasts a couple days and then I collapse again. I may not sleep but body wont move.

 

[barefoot]

I'm having real difficulty getting to sleep at the moment too - not staying awake all night though!

It may sound silly but I wonder if the silence isn't helping. If thoughts are whizzing around your head and adrenaline is pumping round your body I wonder if total silence is somehow exacerbating the problem. Perhaps some sound - music, a talky radio programme, even a recording of certain sounds you like eg waterfalls or rain forests - would take away a little from how wired and hypervigilent you feel in the silence and stillness?

I've also had some success with mindfulness/meditation/sleep apps. I had to try quite a few until I found one or two that worked for me. Sometimes I fall asleep with them on. Other times I don't actually fall asleep but I still feel calmer and feel like I am resting even though I'm not actually asleep.

I'd definitely try cutting out caffeine and other stimulants (eg very sugary things). And getting into a daily routine of doing diaphragmatic breathing really helped me too. I did it for around 20 mins 3 or 4 times every day including just before I went to bed. I did find that it helped to calm my whole system down and helped me get to sleep. Just realising I haven't been doing that for the last few months...maybe time I started again!

Good luck!