How do i greive for someone who is not dead

[IamFree]

I want to tell the story of my little brother now. He was born and it seemed almost right away he was gone. I just know I pushed him in his pram in the pathway of grandmothers house . the pram tipped over and he fell out fortunately he was not hurt but it was like some omen that this relationship was doomed.

Mother was addicted to heroin and he was gone quite quickly into care. I was always a very sensitive child it was though I already knew nothing was mine to keep.

you see he was my half brother so we did not live in the same house even. When he was a little older mother had him back in her house but she relapsed and he was out the door again before there was any chance to connect.

I just saw him occasionally when the care system would allow and then it was all very regulated. by the time he was an adult and he was free to see who he wanted the damage had already been done to both of us on both sides so are attempts to connect just was a disaster because of are mutual untreated codependence.

He is in his mid 20s now I am in my 30s. Got a phone call today from my father. He skipped a train and got fined and gave them my sisters adreess lying that he lives there. they sent the bailffs around . no one is able to get in touch with him that's what he is like very flakey and trouble with a capital T god knows were it will all end for him. he is not the baby in a pram anymore that my heart breaks over.

I understand now I need to let him go to the universe I barely have the energy to surive my self after the atrocious chain of event I have had to suffer my whole life. Just seems strange though greifing for someone who is still here.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@IamFree I'm sorry that you are going through this, but I kind of get it. For over 20 yrs my daughter and I have had a tumultuous relationship, and 3 1/2 yrs ago I walked away for the first time. Usually she has kicked me to the curb. Yes, I spent a few months grieving the loss, but deep down inside, know it's for the best. We don't get along, she has a different life style and morals than I do. It got to be way too much, probably for her too.

I honestly don't know how I feel about her, but I don't wish her anything bad. I've spent way too many yrs wishing her good, so that's not even an option for me anymore.

Try and let go is all I can advise.. good luck!!!,

 

[Ronin]

greifing for someone who is still here.

But that loss is real; the person you hoped for, believed in, raised or cared for the same, that person isn't there anymore.

How, I don't know, else I wouldn't be here trying to figure it out. But I figure with patience with yourself, and letting it come, however you need to grieve. You're not alone.

 

[Renew]

I am so sorry for what you are going through Iamfree. I know it can be hard to grieve for the living. For the lost or never could be relationships we so longed for. I am going through something similar with my older Sister and it breaks my heart. I am trying to wrap my mind around the situation and figuring out how I couldn't see her for who she really is and not who I wanted her to be. Just know that you are not alone. ((((HUGS))))