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General How do i help? Struggling to find assistance for partner.

Kippers99

New Here
My partner has cPTSD from years of abuse. This was all retriggered about 3 years ago and we go through stages of everything is fine, then weeks of it not being fine when retriggered. He wants help- we have tried different charities and got no where. He reached out to the Dr surgery and got nowhere. Just put him on meds. He has been triggered about a month ago and things have not been good since. We have a cycle with it- one minute hes very very teary, suicidal, the next hes very angry and basically you have to watch out what you are doing or saying. How do I get him any help? He has seen Dr again last week after a near suicide attempt- they said someone would phone him A WEEK AGO and no one has. His anger has spiralled in the last 48 hours- literally if I say or do anything I feel like he cant cope in any form and reacts by shouting or throwing things. It is so so hard. I want to contact the dr and say how bad things are but im scared if he finds out he will be very angry and feel I have broken his trust and I dont want to do that. I just want him to be okay. Has any one gone through similar or know of anything that I can do that may help? My gut tells me to ring the Dr, be honest at how all over the place things are and chase them for the phone call he was due a week ago but my heart worries if he knows I have done that he will be mad. I told him today I would like to do this just to gauge response and he doesnt see why i want to- he doesnt seem aware of how bad he can be. Thank you for any advice.
 
Sounds like things are very difficult for both of you right now.

he doesnt seem aware of how bad he can be.
Yep. And sometimes a person has to hit rock bottom, you know?

There’s not much point you calling the doctor for him. Apart from the trust issues that’s going to bring up, unless he’s actually seeking out this help himself? It’s a bit pointless. It has to be driven by him.

But that’s not to say that you can’t do other stuff. Giving him feedback of particular things he’s done, that weren’t okay for you, can help him understand why this matters. He may not have the self esteem to want to heal for himself, but you can help him understand what’s difficult for you.

Also putting in boundaries of behaviour that you aren’t prepared to tolerate. That’s not just self-preservation, it gives him motivation to change how he interacts with you.

If this particular GP is shite? I’d go elsewhere. And I’d probably ask for a referral to a specialist, because GPs often don’t have much they can offer beyond medication.

Trauma-focused psychologists may also be a helpful alternative.
 
hello kipper. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

i've been on both sides of the c-ptsd help desk. on the needing help side of that desk, even when i am aware of just how bad i am being, the psychosis is all too often stronger than i am. not allowing me to hurt you is quite helpful, all by itself. please increase your social distance.

on the support side of that desk, i need help giving help. dealing with other people's mental illness can be mind-bending for the healthiest and most stable of minds. in addition, getting help for myself can provide a strong example for the person i am trying to help. i don't tell them how. i show them how.

but that is me and every case is unique. . .

steadying support while you find what works for you. you are not alone.
welcome aboard.
 
We were in the same situation last summer and I left his ass for two months. This gave him the opportunity to decide what he wanted and what he was willing to do about it. I didn't feel safe in my own home anymore. (He's never laid a finger on me.) He was so angry all the time and I didn't deserve to be on the receiving end. There was nothing I could do for him but give him space.

Which gave me the opportunity to calm myself down too. I was going to end up in the rabbit hole with him and then there would be nobody to help him.

I hope he gets the help he needs and deserves. And take care of yourself first and foremost. Good luck!
 
There’s only so much a supporter CAN do.

You cannot strap a 15/25/35yo into a car seat and take them …anywhere.. no matter how much you might want to.

Researching programs & professionals? Finding available options? Is pretty much the best you can hope for.

I know.

It sucks.
 
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