How do i "people"?

[Overcoming]

I don't know how to have normal healthy relationships (friendships, not romantic). How are boundaries defined? What if they hurt me? What level of vulnerability okay? Do I have anything to offer another person? I don't want to talk about me and my feelings too much. Maybe I shouldn't speak at all! What if they say something and do another? Can I trust? I'm scared.

Musings of an adult emotional abuse survivor with borderline mother.

 

[Muted]

I understand how you feel. It takes me a lot of time to feel comfortable around people. Unfortunately, I probably talk way too much about myself to the people I'm closest to.

Boundaries are different for everyone. Some people I feel completely comfortable around physically and emotionally, they are my safe people. They hear me, understand me, don't push me therefore they don't drain me or trigger me. I don't have a lot of people like that, so I spend time alone.

The people who cross my boundaries or don't respect my boundaries or simply don't listen to me or are disrespectful are the people that I push away and block out. These are the people that drain me and take a lot of energy for me to be around. These are the people that I consider unsafe or not consistently safe for me to be me around. I often feel on guard and steer clear of these types of people if I'm struggling or triggered. They take the stability I have and constantly push me around. Sometimes I wonder if I need to just go away.

 

[Supervixn]

Don't psych yourself out, people are going to disappoint you and people are going to amaze you. Just try to be yourself and go with the flow. You'll learn through experience. Don't overthink things and just focus on staying positive as much as is possible. Be kind to yourself and know you're a work in progress... just like everyone else. Tony Robbins has some good videos on YouTube about how to change your emotional focus and engage with people.

Nothing too quickly... forgive yourself and forgive others... you're here because you're meant to be. Enjoy life as much as you can while you're here.