How Do I Save My Dad?

[ladee]

I have recently gone no contact with my son for the same reasons. Hardest thing I have ever done.
He too, is the only family I have. I love no one on this planet as much as I love him. I am even a recovering addict myself with many years clean...and KNOW all of this.
So I do understand. When I would get crazy I would come here and share. Some here already knew the story.
But they would help me to remember why I Had to do this to save myself.
Last I heard from a friend he is doing a little better. And I pray that's true.
But either way..he had to find his way back just like I did when I got clean.
It feels so wrong to do it this way. Goes against everything we believe when you love someone. But in the case of addiction. Only the addict can save themselves.
We are here for you And we understand. You have to save yourself first.
Gentle hugs if you accept.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@crashmoon As someone that has sat on the sidelines.... Yes, I know how difficult this is. I als know that in order to save my own sanity that I had to walk away. Everyone makes choices in life. Sometimes those choices are good and sometimes there not. The thing that you need to try and understand is this...... Your father is sick and may never be able to change his behavior, but that doesn't mean that you have to be part of it.

My daughter was a beautiful human being. She had everything going for her. She chose to do heroin. Her choice, not mine. I walked away for that reason and many more, but the bottom line is.... it was her choice, and she will have to be the one to make the choice to get clean, if she is still using.

Your dad will either make the choice to get clean or he won't.

 

[nomorechickenlittle]

Best of luck to you and we can heal even if our families aren't

 

[gealach]

my dad more than likely hates me now

Your dad isn't dad anymore, so it's the addiction that hates you, not him. If he can ever reach a point where he is clean and sober, and can think clearly, he'll understand and appreciate your tough love.

I also had to walk away from my family, so I definitely appreciate how difficult this must all be for you. Something that may help, is to write his eulogy or the things you really want to say about him. This might be cleansing or cathartic for you, and if you reach a point where he's really pushing the boundaries you have set up, don't engage, just give him what you've written and reinforce that boundary. Maybe, just maybe, that might wake him up. Or not.

Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself permission to be healthy.