How Do People Feel Hearing 'details' ?

[Richie]

someone elses actions have absolutely no reflection on your dignity. that is them and even if you did respond at times in some way that you are not proud of in hindsight, so what? when you are put on the spot sometimes you are not given time to consider your options and emotions take over. none of us are perfect so i think the odd slip here and there is ok, especially under circumstances that are out of your control.
whatever your story is, it is history. right here, right now you are fighting back. you are not lying down and letting your past dictate your future and that alone is worthy of respect, maybe even admiration!

 

[Bristol]

@Junebug thanks for starting this thread, it has done me the world of good to read your replies :)

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh @Richie , well "admire' I don't think (OMG, lol), but it is true I am trying.

someone elses actions have absolutely no reflection on your dignity. that is them

That means a great deal, thank you,

so what?

I forgot that response- I've heard it twice before. Yes.

I do think it's certainly easy to see myself through a uni-dimensional lens. :(

Hugs for you both @Richie , @Bristol1485 . :hug:

 

[Richie]

maybe it is easier to see the negatives and miss the positives.
the question of luck really exists was tested in psychology and the (current) answer is that it is merely a question of how you see things. Some people have a more positive outlook than others. An event could be seen as being unlucky for being there or it could be seen as being lucky because it could have been worse.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes I understand @Richie think. I used to even joke, 'Don't be too hasty taking me off (a devastating shift), before a winning loto ticket comes blowing down the street I wouldn't see if I wasn't there, if that's going to happen, if you know what I mean'.

I actually minimized everything. In my family you had no crisis, or died- that was the only crisis.

And gratitude it isn't worse. Sometimes though it's permanent damage or loss. Harder to cope with. Or expect others to cope with the end result product of me. Or see it with understanding eyes, as it were.

:hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

You see, I would have been luckier to have died, vs living with the aftermath.

 

[Richie]

is that really true?
i am not in a position to discuss PTSD so the only thing i can relate to is depression which i had for over 20 years without even realising it. i remember at the time wondering why i carried on. what was the purpose of my existence. things like that. once i recognised my own problem i figured out what the cause was and i removed it from my life (or so i thought but it turned out to be someone else so they got the boot too) and since then i have been, up until august last year, content. which was an improvement! i still questioned the purpose of my existence and i actually called my life a worthless existence rather than a life because i was only plodding along and not really going anywhere. this time last year a chance conversation put an idea in my head and suddenly everything fitted together and made sense. i found myself a purpose and i am now pursuing it (which has brought me to this website) with massive determination. looking back, i still have stuff happening occasionally that does get to me but i react differently and deal with it differently. why? because i have established a better coping mechanism now. i probably would not have that coping mechanism if i had never had anything to cope with. that is life experience and although it is horrible going through it, it kind of makes sense from the other side when you look at what you have gained from that experience. respect, appreciation, recognition and things like that but these things all contribute to making you stronger as a person. i know you wont be able to see it right but the fact that you are here means you want to beat this. i dont know how you will do that but i see no reason why you will fail. beat this for yourself (that does not mean do it on your own)!

 

[Tinyflame]

@Richie thank you, I'm trying to understand what you've said and I think I do, though I don't feel any strength, if anything worn down.

I am glad you have found a purpose. :hug:

Can you explain, what does this mean?

beat this for yourself (that does not mean do it on your own)!

Thank you. :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

ETA, I could never get a purpose out of

beat this for yourself

.

I mean, great, but not a purpose, just managing the minimum. I can't think of anything for myself that would be a purpose.

I do offer it up for specific others (the stuff) but it's not something I will ever know if it's valid in this lifetime, and though for 'me' (as I choose to do it), it does not qualify as a purpose or purpose for my existence.

Ugh. Me and my way with words! :yuck::oops::rolleyes:

Also, tbh, I'm mostly in the way (of what other people want).

Thanks. :hug:

 

[Richie]

I mean beat what you are going through now but do that for you rather than anyone else. I fought my depression because I didn't like the person I was turning into. I took it out on my closest friends which was unfair so I made the decision to change but I did that for myself. I chose to take my finger off the self-destruct button so that I could take control of my own life and get it back on track and be the person that I was happy to be.

 

[tontoe]

How do non-traumatized people feel, and 'see' you, if they know about sexual assault, child sexual assau...

Thanks for starting this thread @Junebug. And thanks to you and other contributors for your posts.

My experience has been that, generally speaking, non-traumatized people [and maybe also those who aren't consciously aware of their own trauma and the effects it produces] don't really "get it".

My experience of trying to explain CPTSD to others has been pretty mixed - but mostly not positive. Perhaps this is due to my inability to communicate and my fear of people, or perhaps it is the associations it triggers for them?

I sometimes feel this makes me less authentic, as I'm hiding a part of myself and not being really "me" with folks, but I'm careful now [perhaps too careful and I underestimate people's likely empathy/understanding] about who I reveal this to.

There's a kind of evangelical part of me that wants to broadcast from the rooftops about trauma and its effects on people and society, to make the public realise how prevalent and damaging it is. but i suspect that Joe & Josephine Public are not quite ready for that, and anyway probably have more pressing things on their minds right now...

It's so good to have this forum, where we can be open and truthful.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I have to deal with this with the only family I have left besides my sisters, and that is my cousins, and it turns out they are very understanding but they don't want to hear the details, its enough for them to know I have ptsd. I try to not use the term abuse victim with them, I instead refer to myself as a "PTSD sufferer in Recovery".